IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

task 1: Tha plan below show how the ground floor of a particular building has changed over time.

#tha #plan #show #ground #floor #time
The floorplan shows how a building has changed from 1958 to the present day.
Overall
 perspective, it is apparent that the building has served both commercial and residential purposes with the only area remaining unchanged being the kitchen. At present, the flower shop
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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more beautiful
to
Change preposition
than
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 when it was an apartment and
office
. In 1958, the building was used as an
office
 with a meeting
room
 in the left
corner
 of the floorplan, an assistant’s and secretary’s
office
 below there and a toilet in the bottom left
corner
. In 1985, the meeting
room
 was extended and turned into a living
room
 and a large bathroom and shower. The florist shop contained a gift card
room
 in the top left,
above
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large open space for flowers and a play area in the left
corner
. On the right side, the kitchen in the top
corner
 was unaltered. In comparison, in 1958 there was a manager’s
office
 and a reception area in the bottom
corner
. after 1984, These spaces were allocated for bedrooms in the apartment and are now an
office
 and additional space for flowers.
Submitted by viataz33 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences to make them clearer. For example, 'Overall perspective, it is apparent' could be 'From an overall perspective, it is apparent.'
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. A brief introduction that sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes key changes can improve structure.
task achievement
Clarify the years being compared to avoid confusion. The current text mentions '1985' and 'after 1984,' which can be confusing. Consistent year pointers will enhance clarity.
task achievement
Provide clearer details on the changes over time. Point out more specific changes or spatial reconfigurations if possible to make the description more comprehensive.
task achievement
You've done a good job in describing the main changes and repurposing of different rooms.
coherence cohesion
Your essay remains focused on the topic and offers a logical sequence of rooms and their changes over time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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