IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for their children. Others believe that family members like grandparents can do a better job. Discuss both view and give your opinion

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Some people believe that
day -care
Correct your spelling
day-care
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 services preschoolers the best things with are crucial for their ages,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that family members
such
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 as
grandparents
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 will be suitable .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 and agree with the
farmer
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farmer's
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 points There are two key reasons why busy parents want their
kids
Use synonyms
 to be looked after by their family members,
such
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 as
grandparents
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. The first compelling justification is that
grandparents
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 have more experience in raising small
children
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, so they know what needs to be done to make
kids
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 better.
That is
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 the reason why in Asian countries, there are more and more multigenerational families where parents and their
children
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’s families live together. Another benefit worth mentioning is that family members will take more care of
kids
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. To be specific, in preschools, there are a lot of toddlers;
thus
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, it is difficult for teachers to take notice of all of them.
In contrast
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,
grandparents
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 have more time to take care of
kids
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, especially when feeding them.
On the other hand
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, taking preschoolers to childcare
centers
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centres
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 has its own merits. First and foremost,
day-care
Correct your spelling
daycare
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 services provide toddlers with a good environment to enhance their aptitudes and interact with each other at the same age. There is research indicating that those
children
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 listening to a lot of baby talk are talking more than the babies to more adult talks and standard speech since frequent baby talk has dramatically boosted
Furthermore
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, going to childcare
centers
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centres
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 will provide small
children
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a
Add the preposition
with a
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large range of opportunities to expand their imagination and social skills.
This
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 is because kindergarteners usually celebrate interesting outside activities which is an ideal chance for
kids
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 to meet their counterparts and improve soft skills
such
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 as teamwork and language development. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 family member has more experience and time to take of
children
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 . I
support
Verb problem
think
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child
Correct article usage
a child
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 care centre is better because
in
Change preposition
apply
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current
Change the word
currently
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 they
has
Change the verb form
have
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 modern technology to help you look
up
Change preposition
apply
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after your
kids
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 .

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task achievement
The essay needs to address both views more evenly. While you have discussed both perspectives, ensure that your response to each side is balanced in terms of depth and detail.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your points with more concrete examples and detailed explanations. For example, when discussing the benefits of day-care centers, specific programs or activities could be mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory paragraph needs to be clearer and more concise. The initial sentence is a bit unclear and could be better structured to precisely reflect the essay's argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on your conclusion. It feels rushed and incomplete. Make sure to clearly summarize your points and conclusively state your opinion, enhancing the overall structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Try to use linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs dedicated to discussing each viewpoint. This helps in presenting your ideas in an organized manner.
task achievement
You provide specific reasons and examples to support your argument, which helps to clarify your stance and make your essay more compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional care
  • structured environment
  • trained staff
  • educational activities
  • social interaction
  • resources
  • extended hours
  • demanding schedules
  • personalized care
  • bond deeply
  • family values
  • cultural norms
  • flexible care
  • adaptive needs
  • routines
What to do next:
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