Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for their children. Others believe that family members like grandparents can do a better job. Discuss both view and give your opinion
Some people believe that
day -care
services preschoolers the best things with are crucial for their ages, Correct your spelling
day-care
while
other
believe that family members Fix the agreement mistake
others
such
as grandparents
will be suitable . This
essay will discuss both view
and agree with the Change to a plural noun
views
farmer
points
There are two key reasons why busy parents want their Change noun form
farmer's
kids
to be looked after by their family members, such
as grandparents
. The first compelling justification is that grandparents
have more experience in raising small children
, so they know what needs to be done to make kids
better. That is
the reason why in Asian countries, there are more and more multigenerational families where parents and their children
’s families live together. Another benefit worth mentioning is that family members will take more care of kids
. To be specific, in preschools, there are a lot of toddlers; thus
, it is difficult for teachers to take notice of all of them. In contrast
, grandparents
have more time to take care of kids
, especially when feeding them.
On the other hand
, taking preschoolers to childcare centers
has its own merits. First and foremost, Change the spelling
centres
day-care
services provide toddlers with a good environment to enhance their aptitudes and interact with each other at the same age. There is research indicating that those Correct your spelling
daycare
children
listening to a lot of baby talk are talking more than the babies to more adult talks and standard speech since frequent baby talk has dramatically boosted Furthermore
, going to childcare centers
will provide small Change the spelling
centres
children
a
large range of opportunities to expand their imagination and social skills. Add the preposition
with a
This
is because kindergarteners usually celebrate interesting outside activities which is an ideal chance for kids
to meet their counterparts and improve soft skills such
as teamwork and language development.
In conclusion, Although
family member has more experience and time to take of children
. I support
Verb problem
think
child
care centre is better because Correct article usage
a child
in
Change preposition
apply
current
they Change the word
currently
has
modern technology to help you look Change the verb form
have
up
after your Change preposition
apply
kids
.Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on
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task achievement
The essay needs to address both views more evenly. While you have discussed both perspectives, ensure that your response to each side is balanced in terms of depth and detail.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your points with more concrete examples and detailed explanations. For example, when discussing the benefits of day-care centers, specific programs or activities could be mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory paragraph needs to be clearer and more concise. The initial sentence is a bit unclear and could be better structured to precisely reflect the essay's argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on your conclusion. It feels rushed and incomplete. Make sure to clearly summarize your points and conclusively state your opinion, enhancing the overall structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Try to use linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs dedicated to discussing each viewpoint. This helps in presenting your ideas in an organized manner.
task achievement
You provide specific reasons and examples to support your argument, which helps to clarify your stance and make your essay more compelling.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?