We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is true that we can not help whole
people
in the world in
Change preposition
with
problem
,as Fix the agreement mistake
problems
this
some Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
belive
that we must think about our nation's Correct your spelling
believe
people
' problem
and solve them.Fix the agreement mistake
problems
While
our citizens and people
are like our family and more important to us, but
I disagree Correct word choice
apply
whit
Correct your spelling
with
this
opinion.
In
Change preposition
On
one
hand Correct article usage
the one
people
say that society is equvalent
to family and must put first that I accept Correct your spelling
equal
this
for some reasons.Firstly
, it is easy to help people
around us, like give
some money,Wrong verb form
giving
cloths
and food on a road Correct your spelling
clothes
for
homeless Change preposition
to
people
in our town. Secondly
, we should be a good example of being kind and jenerous
to our kids by helping Correct your spelling
generous
people
in front of their eyes to show them the good way of be
among Change the verb form
being
growd
.By way of an example, participate in Correct your spelling
grown
voluntree
activities Correct your spelling
volunteer
an
charity Correct your spelling
and
club
with our children and try to not ignore Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
people
in hard situation
.Fix the agreement mistake
situations
Finally
, by
extending a helping hand to Change preposition
apply
under
poverty line citizen to improve their financial condition actually Change preposition
apply
we
helped us by diminishing Correct pronoun usage
apply
crime
rate Correct article usage
the crime
due to
starving
and Replace the word
starvation
this
make
our community safe Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
for
Change preposition
apply
ourselves
.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
I try to contribute to national charity as much as I can.
Nowadays, thanks to mass media we aware
of all around the world, so national boundaries cant prevent us Add a missing verb
are aware
of
thinking about horrible Change preposition
from
condition
in other countries Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
particularly
African nations suffer from curable Add the comma(s)
, particularly
deases
and die just for not having money as much as Correct your spelling
diseases
few
dollars to survive.Regarding Correct article usage
a few
human's
nation, if anyone was Change noun form
human
in to
Join the words
into
mine
of saving one child from falling or Correct your spelling
mind
other's
from killing by an accident meanwhile, absolutely choose Correct quantifier usage
another's
saving
a life rather than any other thing, Change the verb form
to save
therefore
we must puting
the most Correct your spelling
putting
effectivness
help with Correct your spelling
effective
effectiveness
same
budget than who may get Change the article
the same
this
money.This
is the real means of humanity and helping other
and we can see the result of Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
in our lives.
In conclusion,while
I help more frequently to my country's people
Change preposition
on
in
Change preposition
on
tight
Add an article
a tight
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
budget
and hard Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
time
than other foreign Fix the agreement mistake
times more
Correct pronoun usage
ones
one
, I strongly Fix the agreement mistake
ones
Correct your spelling
believe
belive
that we Correct your spelling
believe
Correct your spelling
should
shold
not extend Correct your spelling
should
Correct article usage
a helping
helping
hand just to our Correct article usage
a helping
people
,also
sometimes overseas' people
must be put Change preposition
apply
at
first as they are more Change preposition
apply
dsirable
to get help.Correct your spelling
desirable
durable
Submitted by aliaghanjd74 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use linking words to connect your arguments smoothly.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully. For example, explain why helping people in other countries can also benefit your own community.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific initiatives or programs that help people internationally and the impact they have.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both sides of the argument, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You emphasize the importance of helping both local and international communities, which is a compelling argument.