We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is true that we can not help whole
people
in the world
in
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with
show examples
problem
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problems
show examples
,as
this
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apply
show examples
some
people
belive
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believe
show examples
that we must think about our nation's
people
'
problem
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problems
show examples
and solve them.
While
our citizens and
people
are like our family and more important to us,
but
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apply
show examples
I disagree
whit
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
this
opinion.
In
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand
people
say that society is
equvalent
Correct your spelling
equal
to family and must put first that I accept
this
for some reasons.
Firstly
, it is easy to help
people
around us, like
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
some money,
cloths
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clothes
show examples
and food on a road
for
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to
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homeless
people
in our town.
Secondly
, we should be a good example of being kind and
jenerous
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generous
to our kids by helping
people
in front of their eyes to show them the good way of
be
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being
show examples
among
growd
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grown
.By way of an example, participate in
voluntree
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volunteer
activities
an
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and
show examples
charity
club
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clubs
show examples
with our children and try to not ignore
people
in hard
situation
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situations
show examples
.
Finally
,
by
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apply
show examples
extending a helping hand to
under
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apply
show examples
poverty line citizen to improve their financial condition actually
we
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apply
show examples
helped us by diminishing
crime
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the crime
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rate
due to
starving
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starvation
show examples
and
this
make
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makes
show examples
our community safe
for
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apply
show examples
ourselves
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apply
show examples
.
Therefore
I try to contribute to national charity as much as I can. Nowadays, thanks to mass media we
aware
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are aware
show examples
of all around the world, so national boundaries cant prevent us
of
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from
show examples
thinking about horrible
condition
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conditions
show examples
in other countries
particularly
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, particularly
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African nations suffer from curable
deases
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diseases
and die just for not having money as much as
few
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a few
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dollars to survive.Regarding
human's
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human
show examples
nation, if anyone was
in to
Join the words
into
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mine
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mind
show examples
of saving one child from falling or
other's
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another's
show examples
from killing by an accident meanwhile, absolutely choose
saving
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to save
show examples
a life rather than any other thing,
therefore
we must
puting
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putting
the most
effectivness
Correct your spelling
effective
effectiveness
help with
same
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the same
show examples
budget than who may get
this
money.
This
is the real means of humanity and helping
other
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others
show examples
and we can see the result of
this
in our lives. In conclusion,
while
I help more frequently to my country's
people
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on
show examples
in
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on
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tight
Add an article
a tight
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
budget
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budgets
show examples
and hard
time
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times more
show examples
than other foreign
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ones
show examples
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
, I strongly
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that we
Correct your spelling
should
shold
Correct your spelling
should
not extend
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a helping
show examples
helping
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a helping
show examples
hand just to our
people
,
also
sometimes overseas'
people
must be put
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apply
show examples
at
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apply
show examples
first as they are more
dsirable
Correct your spelling
desirable
durable
to get help.
Submitted by aliaghanjd74 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use linking words to connect your arguments smoothly.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully. For example, explain why helping people in other countries can also benefit your own community.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific initiatives or programs that help people internationally and the impact they have.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both sides of the argument, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You emphasize the importance of helping both local and international communities, which is a compelling argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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