IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
It is true that we can not help whole
people
 in the world
in
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with
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problem
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problems
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,as
this
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apply
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some
people
belive
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believe
show examples
 that we must think about our nation's
people
'
problem
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problems
show examples
 and solve them.
While
 our citizens and
people
 are like our family and more important to us,
but
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apply
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I disagree
whit
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with
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this
 opinion.
In
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand
people
 say that society is
equvalent
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equal
 to family and must put first that I accept
this
 for some reasons.
Firstly
, it is easy to help
people
 around us, like
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 some money,
cloths
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clothes
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 and food on a road
for
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to
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 homeless
people
 in our town.
Secondly
, we should be a good example of being kind and
jenerous
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generous
 to our kids by helping
people
 in front of their eyes to show them the good way of
be
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being
show examples
 among
growd
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grown
.By way of an example, participate in
voluntree
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volunteer
 activities
an
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and
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 charity
club
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clubs
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 with our children and try to not ignore
people
 in hard
situation
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situations
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.
Finally
,
by
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apply
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extending a helping hand to
under
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apply
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poverty line citizen to improve their financial condition actually
we
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apply
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helped us by diminishing
crime
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the crime
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 rate
due to
starving
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starvation
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 and
this
make
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makes
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 our community safe
for
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apply
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ourselves
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apply
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.
Therefore
 I try to contribute to national charity as much as I can. Nowadays, thanks to mass media we
aware
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are aware
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 of all around the world, so national boundaries cant prevent us
of
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from
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 thinking about horrible
condition
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conditions
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 in other countries
particularly
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, particularly
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 African nations suffer from curable
deases
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diseases
 and die just for not having money as much as
few
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a few
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 dollars to survive.Regarding
human's
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human
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 nation, if anyone was
in to
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into
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mine
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mind
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 of saving one child from falling or
other's
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another's
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 from killing by an accident meanwhile, absolutely choose
saving
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to save
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 a life rather than any other thing,
therefore
 we must
puting
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putting
 the most
effectivness
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effective
effectiveness
 help with
same
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the same
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 budget than who may get
this
 money.
This
 is the real means of humanity and helping
other
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others
show examples
 and we can see the result of
this
 in our lives. In conclusion,
while
 I help more frequently to my country's
people
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on
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in
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on
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tight
Add an article
a tight
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
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budget
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budgets
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 and hard
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times more
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 than other foreign
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ones
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one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
, I strongly
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that we
Correct your spelling
should
shold
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should
 not extend
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a helping
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helping
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a helping
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 hand just to our
people
,
also
 sometimes overseas'
people
 must be put
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apply
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at
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apply
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first as they are more
dsirable
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desirable
durable
 to get help.
Submitted by aliaghanjd74 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use linking words to connect your arguments smoothly.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully. For example, explain why helping people in other countries can also benefit your own community.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific initiatives or programs that help people internationally and the impact they have.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both sides of the argument, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You emphasize the importance of helping both local and international communities, which is a compelling argument.
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