Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
The amount of available sugar in processed foods and drinks is growing to be a globally concerning issue, risking
on
Change preposition
apply
people
's overall
health . There is a consensus that the price of these products should be increased as a tool to discourage people
,
so that they would not be able to consume them on a regular basis. Remove the comma
apply
This
, however
, is not a practical way to approach this
problem due to
its manupulative
nature.
There is no doubt that high intake of Correct your spelling
manipulative
proceed
foods can impose dangers on Verb problem
processed
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
overall
well-being.This
, however
, does not grant any permission to the authorities to manipulate peoples' wants and preferences by increasing the prices. In other words
, people
should be trusted with the decisions they make and if they show a pattern of consistently bad choices, the authorities can use educational tools to give them insights on
what benefits their lives rather than taking control of their shopping by fluctuating the prices.
Change preposition
into
However
, it is understandable that some hold the idea that the goal justifies the means. and, therefore
, they opt for the fastest yet the most controlling measure that intervenes with peoples' personal lives. This
perspective resembles my mother shouting at me so that I would wear a coat to be warm while
I was resisting to do so. I, today, believe that it was my right to decide on something, face its consequences , and learn from the outcome of my possible mistakes. The same implies
Verb problem
applies
with
Change preposition
to
consumption
of sugary products as the government does not have the right to manipulate peoples' decisions and deprive them Correct article usage
the consumption
from
the things they might have learned by making the mistake.
In conclusion, despite the growing controversy on the merits of governments leading the Change the preposition
of
citizen's
choices and preferences,In my Change noun form
citizens'
viewed
opinion , the only thing that the Verb problem
apply
people
in power are able to do regarding the concerning
consumption of manufactured foods, is Correct word choice
apply
educating
Wrong verb form
educate
people
on its potential risks and no more.Submitted by TUTOO on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear standpoint. However, you can improve by adding more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, the connection between some sentences and paragraphs could be more seamless. Using transition words and phrases can help your essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to reword some sentences to enhance clarity and precision. For example, 'the government does not have the right to manipulate peoples' decisions' could be stronger with slight revisions for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Sometimes your arguments are presented in a manner that may feel a bit repetitive or less organized. Strive to make each paragraph focus on a single idea or aspect of your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and effectively communicate your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-articulated, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are comprehensive and articulated clearly, making it easy to understand your standpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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