There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

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It is true that we

surrounded

Add a missing verb

are surrounded

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by various kinds of

music

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in the modern world from

range

Add an article

a range

show examples

of traditional to international songs played in all places.Our nature requires

music

Use synonyms

for some reasons that must be met.In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain it. It is obvious that we are made from

soul

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and body and each of them has its own needs,

such

Linking Words

as food for the former and

music

Use synonyms

for the ladder.Regarding the needs of the

soul

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which is

music

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, we can give some answers and investigate human history to prove our reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

,the human

soul

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must be fed and

music

Use synonyms

is equal to food from the body to

Use synonyms

soul

Correct article usage

the soul

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Secondly

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

is not just for the modern world since primitives listened to

the

Correct article usage

apply

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natural songs to fulfil their relaxing

need

Fix the agreement mistake

needs

show examples

also

Linking Words

they were inspired to make

a suitable songs

Correct the article-noun agreement

a suitable song

suitable songs

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by tracing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature

Replace the word

natural

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song

maker

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makers

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like birds.

Finally

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

is a distinguishing representer of art which is one of the

humans

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human's

humans'

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superiority to animals

must

Correct word choice

and must

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get more attention and concern as a fundamental need.

Although

Linking Words

there is no right or any chooseable question it is advisable to hear traditional

music

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rather than foreign

music

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due to

Linking Words

some logical reasons.

For example

Linking Words

, old national

music

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contains an immense amount of lessons and sweet history which conservation

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is necessary to pass next generations.

This

Linking Words

type of

music

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is so close to our culture and we can fill its concept and

it's fulfills

Change the verb form

it fulfills

show examples

our

need

Fix the agreement mistake

needs

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better than overseas

music

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which produced in other cultures and languages.

Therefore

Linking Words

traditional

music

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must played more frequently than other countries' trend

music

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in public areas. In conclusion, the reason why traditional

music

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is more important is that feeding our

soul

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which requires song as food must

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

be its nature and culture and all

this

Linking Words

means traditional

music

Use synonyms

Submitted by aliaghanjd74 on Mon Jun 24 2024

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task achievement

Ensure you address all parts of the question clearly. While you have discussed why we need music and the importance of traditional music, make sure each point is fully elaborated.

task achievement

Develop your ideas with more concrete examples and explanations. Providing specific instances or evidence can help clarify your points and make your argument more compelling.

coherence

Work on the clarity of your essay to improve coherence. Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly structured, which can disrupt the flow of your argument.

coherence

Improve transitions between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed. This will enhance the overall cohesion of your essay.

coherence

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

task achievement

You have identified some key reasons for the importance of music, particularly traditional music, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Your opinion

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?