There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

It is true that we

surrounded

Add a missing verb

are surrounded

show examples

by various kinds of

music

Use synonyms

in the modern world from

range

Add an article

a range

show examples

of traditional to international songs played in all places.Our nature requires

music

Use synonyms

for some reasons that must be met.In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain it. It is obvious that we are made from

soul

Use synonyms

and body and each of them has its own needs,

such

Linking Words

as food for the former and

music

Use synonyms

for the ladder.Regarding the needs of the

soul

Use synonyms

which is

music

Use synonyms

, we can give some answers and investigate human history to prove our reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

,the human

soul

Use synonyms

must be fed and

music

Use synonyms

is equal to food from the body to

Use synonyms

soul

Correct article usage

the soul

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

is not just for the modern world since primitives listened to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

natural songs to fulfil their relaxing

need

Fix the agreement mistake

needs

show examples

also

Linking Words

they were inspired to make

a suitable songs

Correct the article-noun agreement

a suitable song

suitable songs

show examples

by tracing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature

Replace the word

natural

show examples

song

maker

Fix the agreement mistake

makers

show examples

like birds.

Finally

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

is a distinguishing representer of art which is one of the

humans

Change to a genitive case

human's

humans'

show examples

superiority to animals

must

Correct word choice

and must

show examples

get more attention and concern as a fundamental need.

Although

Linking Words

there is no right or any chooseable question it is advisable to hear traditional

music

Use synonyms

rather than foreign

music

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

some logical reasons.

For example

Linking Words

, old national

music

Use synonyms

contains an immense amount of lessons and sweet history which conservation

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is necessary to pass next generations.

This

Linking Words

type of

music

Use synonyms

is so close to our culture and we can fill its concept and

it's fulfills

Change the verb form

it fulfills

show examples

our

need

Fix the agreement mistake

needs

show examples

better than overseas

music

Use synonyms

which produced in other cultures and languages.

Therefore

Linking Words

traditional

music

Use synonyms

must played more frequently than other countries' trend

music

Use synonyms

in public areas. In conclusion, the reason why traditional

music

Use synonyms

is more important is that feeding our

soul

Use synonyms

which requires song as food must

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

be its nature and culture and all

this

Linking Words

means traditional

music

Use synonyms

aliaghanjd74

Jun 24, 2024

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task achievement

Ensure you address all parts of the question clearly. While you have discussed why we need music and the importance of traditional music, make sure each point is fully elaborated.

task achievement

Develop your ideas with more concrete examples and explanations. Providing specific instances or evidence can help clarify your points and make your argument more compelling.

coherence

Work on the clarity of your essay to improve coherence. Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly structured, which can disrupt the flow of your argument.

coherence

Improve transitions between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed. This will enhance the overall cohesion of your essay.

coherence

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

task achievement

You have identified some key reasons for the importance of music, particularly traditional music, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Human activities have negative effects on plants and animal species. Some people think that it is too late to do anything about this problem. Other people believe that effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowdays, more and more people don't wear their national clothes, and the clothes look almost the same all over the world. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that the arts (such as music, literature, and theater) are more important than other subjects in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

Shoppers have too much choice, from chocolate bars to jeans.' What, in your opinion, are the advantages and disadvantages of having many things to choose from?