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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill should be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Historically, the ability to read, write and do mathematics
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been one of the most significant education disciplines. These are the three basic
skills
Use synonyms
 expected to be learnt and used in daily
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.
However
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, with the increasingly pivotal role
computers
Use synonyms
 play in modern life, it is thought that a fourth skill should be added
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
 usage. In my opinion, I fully agree with
this
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 idea as technology literacy has many benefits to society. For starters, knowing how to use a
computer
Use synonyms
 includes learning how to navigate the digital landscape responsibly.
Due to
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 the unrestricted nature of the Internet,
individuals
Use synonyms
 without proper technology literacy may fall victim to online scams and misinformation. Recently, during the Covid-19 pandemic, Trend Micro, an American-Japanese cybersecurity company, noted an increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 200 times
of
Change preposition
in
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 fraudulent messages in one of their new surveys. These messages contribute to over eight billion USD worth of damages
due to
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scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
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, phishing or identity theft attacks on vulnerable
individuals
Use synonyms
 like young children and the elderly, who are people with low
computer
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, it is essential to educate people on how to use the
computer
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 for a safer online experience.
Additionally
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, teaching basic
computer
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skills
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also
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 prepares
individuals
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 for future prospects. Much of the world today has been automated using
computers
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, being
computer
Use synonyms
 illiterate can severely limit employment options, harming the potential career of a person. In the United States, the education program allows students to be exposed to
computers
Use synonyms
 in preschool or kindergarten. Teachers would guide students through various
computer
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 activities, allowing young children to be familiar with
such
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 technology. Another example of
this
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 can be seen in the United Kingdom with the Raspberry Pi Foundation. The foundation was formed in 2009 with the aim of teaching elementary school children in the UK how to use a
computer
Use synonyms
. Since
then
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, the foundation has expanded its goals to other countries
such
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 as India and Ireland. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
computer
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 should be added to the list of basic education items
such
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 as reading, writing and maths. Not only will
computer
Use synonyms
skills
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 help familiarise
individuals
Use synonyms
 with
computers
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 teach them how to be responsible when browsing the web.

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lexical resource
The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and greater variety in sentence structures to push it to the next level.
task achievement
Expand on some of the points made by providing more examples or data to bolster your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transition sentences between paragraphs are smooth to maintain seamless flow.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state the position and wrap up the argument effectively.
logical structure
Logical structure and well-organized points that support the central thesis.
relevant specific examples
Provision of relevant and specific examples that add value to the arguments presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • computer
  • skill
  • digital
  • literacy
  • education
  • reading
  • writing
  • maths
  • subject
  • part
  • add
  • fourth
  • life
  • work
  • job
  • information
  • internet
  • typing
  • keyboard
  • coding
  • code
  • program
  • software
  • device
  • teacher
  • student
  • class
  • lesson
  • learn
  • teach
  • practice
  • plan
  • idea
  • argument
  • view
  • balance
  • integrate
  • across
  • curriculum
  • resources
  • cost
  • time
  • access
  • risk
  • safety
  • privacy
  • opportunity
  • develop
  • support
  • study
  • project
  • club
  • equal
  • chance
  • answer
  • agree
  • disagree
  • stability
  • therefore
  • for example
  • in my view
  • on the other hand
  • partly
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