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Band 4.5

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teacher; others think that it depends on the attitude of the students. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #success #teacher #attitude #students
Education
 is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the valuable ways to
be succeed
Change the verb form
succeed
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life. It is argued that being
fruitfulness
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fruitful
show examples
 in
education
 relies on correct pioneers
while
 other believes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the attitude of the
learners
.
However
,
this
 essay will negotiate both ideas and will provide relevant arguments. Teachers
plays
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play
show examples
a vital role in
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
 process since childhood of every person who helps in
education
 development.
For instance
, a girl who lived in England revealed mental
harassments
Fix the agreement mistake
harassment
show examples
 that she had to confront in her house which
were
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was
show examples
 not known by her parents before. So,
it is clear that
 teachers are indispensable characters in
education
 who provide necessary facts that a successful
educationis
Correct your spelling
education is
 needed.
A successful
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Successful
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education
 is
process
Change the article
a process
show examples
a
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of a
show examples
collection of
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
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 like limitless dedication, positive thinking,
continuous
Correct word choice
and continuous
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 commitment. The future of learning depends on the
learners
Change to a genitive case
learner's
learners'
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 capability of
grabing
Correct your spelling
grabbing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge from resources.
For example
, among lots of pupils who faced a/l examination , only
few
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a few
show examples
 are selected to the Universities who have the extreme desire to engage in
learning
Add an article
the learning
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 process without making disturbances. That's why the thinking
parttern
Correct your spelling
partner
 is important to emerge successful stories of learning from the thousands of
same stage
Add a hyphen
same-stage
show examples
learners
.
To conclude
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, providing a correct pathway for
learners
 is crucial to
be
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succeed
show examples
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
 in
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
show examples
 journey
while
 they have enough attitudes towards learning to
be achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 goal.In my opinion,both
guidance
Correct article usage
the guidance
show examples
 of teachers
as well as
 thoughts of students
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very worthwhile stepping
ob
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
on the path of successful
education
.
Submitted by oriexam6 on

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task achievement
Clarify ideas for every point to enhance comprehension. Avoid ambiguous expressions like 'fruitfulness' - use 'success' for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve transition between and within paragraphs to create a smoother flow. Use linking phrases such as 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' etc.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph distinctly highlights one main idea. Avoid overly complex sentences and be clear with your examples.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Teachers plays' should be 'Teachers play') and the correct use of articles (e.g., 'in the life' should be 'in life').
coherence cohesion
Good structure: clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Task response is thorough concerning addressing both viewpoints.
task achievement
Use of real-life examples to illustrate points is effective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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