IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their money on expensive hi-tech media, such as software, DVDs or videos. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #libraries #books #waste #money #media #software #dvds #videos
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Now-a-days
Correct the word
Nowadays
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 famous people like
a
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apply
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film
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
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 or
an
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apply
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athlete
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athletes
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does
Verb problem
apply
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play an important role, not only in their respective
career
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careers
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 but
also
by
Change preposition
in
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 influencing society. Being a famous
person
 does come with
benefit
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benefits
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, but they are
inter-linked
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interlinked
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 with the challenges. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss the benefits they enjoy and the challenges they tackle.
First,
due to
 their achievement in their
career
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career,
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 they earn lots of prosperity and respect in
the
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apply
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society, cause of which
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 earn advertisement endorsements to influence people about the product. That means even after they retire, they have a steady source of income. It helps famous
personality
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personalities
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 to maintain their standards using rich products. One best example
about
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of
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 a retired
sports
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sportsperson
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person
 like MS Dhoni, he still works in television advertisements, gets invited as a chief guest for various programs and works as a mentor for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 generation.
This
 is one of the benefits of being an important personality. Now, the downsides aren’t
much
Rephrase
very
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 serious, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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the
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apply
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privacy. Celebrities find it hard to have
a
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apply
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personal time when they are at work or
at
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on
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 vacation.
Due to
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this
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which
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this
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 they need to have bodyguards around to protect them and their loved ones.
For instance
, If I see Christiano Ronaldo the football star on the street, I will rush towards him to take pictures and borrow his time. Just imagine, how quickly he will have to escape from there. He would never get his own space which is a challenging part when it comes to being a famous
person
.
Finally
, I would agree that being a famous
person
 there are more benefits.
Submitted by shahpmanan on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate on the conclusion to summarize your key points more effectively and offer a final take on the overall topic.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes such as 'cause' instead of 'because' and ensure subject-verb agreement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between points. For example, using transitional phrases can help tie ideas together better.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make the essay more engaging and sophisticated.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant examples, such as mentioning MS Dhoni and Cristiano Ronaldo, which effectively illustrate the points being discussed.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic and presents both benefits and challenges faced by famous people, adhering to the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure, including introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is evident, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay stays on topic throughout, providing a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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