IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people argue that the Olympic Games have significant benefits for the host country while others believe they are a waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #olympic #games #host #country #waste #money
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The
Olympic
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Games
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 are a famous sporting
event
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 held every four years, and thousands of athletes from different countries participate.
Thus
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, leading up to the
event
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, there is significant preparation to be done by the
host
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country
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.
Although
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this
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 preparation is expensive, I believe that
overall
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, the
Olympic
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Games
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 are beneficial for the
host
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country
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. It is true that the
host
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country
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 of the
Olympic
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Games
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 must spend a large amount of money preparing for the
event
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.
For example
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, they need facilities for the many and varied sporting events
such
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 as rowing, athletics and gymnastics. The cost of constructing and renovating these facilities can be high. The Olympics
also
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 attracts many spectators from around the world
and
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apply
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so providing adequate accommodation, food, and public transport for these visitors creates another expense for the
host
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country
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.
Nevertheless
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, the advantages of hosting the
Olympic
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Games
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 far outweigh these costs. The construction and renovation of sports facilities, and public transport, and the development of the hospitality industry
promotes
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promote
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 tourism in the
host
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country
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 during and after the
Games
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. The long-term financial return from
this
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 boost in tourism means that the initial expense is a highly worthwhile investment.
In addition
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, the organisation of the
event
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 requires additional human resources, with a variety of skills.
Thus
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, hosting the
Olympic
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Games
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 creates new jobs for local people. In conclusion, even though there are high costs associated with organising the
Olympic
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Games
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,
overall
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, it has a positive effect on the
host
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country
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 both in the short-term and long-term as it encourages tourism and generates jobs for local people.
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task achievement
While the essay provides a good response to the prompt, ensure that each body paragraph fully expands on the main points with detailed supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
Connectors and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, try to maintain clear and varied sentence structures to further improve readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which provide a well-organized structure.
task achievement
The main points address both the benefits and potential drawbacks associated with hosting the Olympic Games, which demonstrates a balanced response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • international exposure
  • long-term benefits
  • infrastructure improvements
  • national pride
  • cultural exchange
  • financial investment
  • massive debt
  • white elephants
  • underutilized structures
  • influx of tourists
  • heightened security measures
  • overcrowding
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