Most people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this, and not money, will lead to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The vast majority of people learn by using
TV
and that's because learning by
TV
could be more enjoyable and from
this
point they think that
TV
is a good tool for
children
. I totally disagree with that because watching
TV
for several hours can cause health problems, and the overuse of
TV
can cause physical problems. Television lights can destroy mental health. When
children
are exposed to blue lights for seven or perhaps eight to ten hours in the day it absolutely causes mental issues.
For example
, my little sister loves to watch English
TV
shows and spends have of the day watching those shows, after two months we all noticed that she can't count small numbers and understand something quickly
due to
using the
TV
. One of the biggest side effects of using
TV
or another technology is physical issues. If
children
learn everything from the television without any activities or physical exercise they will be lazy and can create an obesity problem.
For instance
, my brother's son loves video games and spends all day playing video games, after a few
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
he became fat and couldn't walk long distances. There are multiple ways to develop
children
and help them to learn but, using
TV
as an essential method can
give society
Verb problem
have
show examples
a harmful impact. schools must be careful about the
children
and teach them in many ways and of course, don't concentrate on
TV
.
Submitted by shahad.san966 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you make a clear distinction between the two views discussed in the topic and provide a balanced discussion before stating your opinion. Your essay focuses heavily on the negative aspects without addressing the potential benefits as described in the prompt.
task achievement
Clarify your argument and ensure that you provide stronger supporting details and examples to back your points. This can help provide a more comprehensive response. For instance, you could succinctly explain the different viewpoints before giving your own opinion as requested in the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between your ideas and paragraphs. For example, improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to help the reader follow your argument more easily. Phrases like 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast' can be useful.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the key points and clearly restating your opinion for emphasis. This will reinforce your argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives it a logical flow and makes it easier for the reader to follow your main points.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your arguments. This helps to illustrate your points and gives credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • quality of life
  • healthcare, education, housing, and leisure activities
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • motivation and productivity
  • positive attitude
  • personal life
  • sense of fulfillment and joy
  • balanced approach
  • compromises
  • finding a balance
  • financial stability and personal happiness
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