The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart illustrates
location
Add an article
the location
show examples
of dance classes young
people
in a town in Australia are currently participating
,
Change preposition
in, while
show examples
while
the bar graph shows
types
Correct article usage
the types
show examples
of dance classes young
people
tend to learn by age group.
Overall
, the first pie chart showed the biggest segment of
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
young
people
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
recently
participating
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
was
Change preposition
in was
show examples
private
studios
,
while
the smallest slice was college-based
studios
. The second column graph
depicted
Wrong verb form
depicts
show examples
young
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
under 11 tend to learn ballet,
while
young
people
between 11 and 16 prefer to learn modern. In regard to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
location of dance classes young
people
are currently attending, private
studios
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
the biggest sector
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
for 48
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
,
while
college-based
studios
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
the smallest segment
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
up 10
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile, school halls (after-school) and community halls and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
were at 24
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
and 18
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
respectively. In the bar graph, young
people
between 11 and 16 reached
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
highest number of over 500 tend to learn modern and
a
Change the article
the
show examples
lowest number of 300 prefer to learn ballet.
Moreover
, young
people
under 11 represented
a
Change the article
the
show examples
highest number of 600
Correct pronoun usage
who like
show examples
like
Wrong verb form
liked
show examples
to learn ballet
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and indicated the lowest level of 300
tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
show examples
to learn modern.
Submitted by wang1sh1ng on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, studios, percentages with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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