IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you think businesses should hire employees who will spend their entire lives working for the company? Explain why you agree or disagree. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#businesses #employees #lives #company #support
Nowadays, businesses
are tending
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
 to hire
employees
 who will
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 their entire lives working for the
company
.
This
 essay disagrees with the suggestion completely because it might be unfair
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
employees
. There are two main reasons why businesses should not employ individuals to live their whole life working for the
company
 and why I disagree with
this
 viewpoint. One of them is that the
company
 will be constrained with the same
employees
 and will not be able to find a qualified workforce.
For instance
, when the
company
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 or
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 with different mindsets they may end up with individuals with incredible skills which may raise the
company
’s reputation. Another cogent reason for
this
 is giving new people the chance to
work
 every period will let the group team gain experiences with new individuals by learning from their experiences and their skills. I personally believe that
this
 issue is relatively significant for several reasons, the main one being the potential for corruption scandals it can create.
This
 issue may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment.
This
 is particularly undesirable because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment is increasing nowadays.
For example
, In
Kuwait
Add a comma
Kuwait,
show examples
 the engineers are suffering because there is no job to apply for and
this
 is because the companies
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 their
employees
 to
work
 with them forever. In conclusion, the fact that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 should not hire
employees
 who will spend their entire lives working for the
company
 shows that everyone should get the chance to
proof
Replace the word
prove
show examples
 themselves and their skills in their jobs.
Therefore
, I totally disagree with letting people
work
 for the
company
 for the rest of their lives because
this
 is a harmful trend which may lead to corruption.
Submitted by hsmmalmutairi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Right now, the introduction is a bit brief and could be more specific.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph discusses only one main point and that this point is clearly stated at the beginning of the paragraph with subsequent sentences supporting it.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and reiterates your position clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and be precise in your arguments. This will help in presenting clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear position in your essay and provide reasons to support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
You have a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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