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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is that happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #travel #countries #development
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Nowadays most
citizens
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 are interested in itineraries
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other nations. The reason behind
this
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 is most
people
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 are educated and they are keen to know about another country’s culture and some others are ready to work in another
nation
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. These trends will give a positive development.
To begin
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,
due to
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 the development of technology most
people
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 become literate and they have more keen and enthusiastically anticipate knowing about foreign cultures and lifestyles.
Hence
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,
citizens
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 start to
travel
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 abroad and
this
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 trend will soar in future.
In addition
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, few
citizens
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 are travelling to abroad find jobs, because their
nation
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 is economically not well and heavy job competition, these factors are stimulating them to move to another
nation
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 to fulfil their anticipations.
Additionally
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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flight costs are more affordable at present times,
thus
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people
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 want to
travel
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 to
neighboring
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neighbouring
show examples
countries
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 for vacation purposes. To illustrate, Thailand, Malaysia and some other
countries
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 are allowing tourists without visas,
thus
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, their country’s
tourists
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tourist
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 income has started to soar from
last
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 year.
Furthermore
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, increasing the number of
citizens
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 to
travel
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 another
nation
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 will give a good result. Because
,
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apply
show examples
people
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 start to
travel
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 adequately to
countries
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 their own nations economies shall be able to develop. Whilst,
people
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 will get a new experience and know about the
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
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 country culture.
In addition
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,
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
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 sector can
possible
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possibly
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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develop in all
countries
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 and
this
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 will give a
well
Correct word choice
good
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 economic profit.
To conclude
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, soaring of
people
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 starting to
travel
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 to another country has become a good beneficial. Simultaneously,
this
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 can reduce unemployment and broaden human knowledge.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen your topic sentences to ensure each paragraph clearly communicates your main point. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to integrate more varied and developed examples to enhance your arguments. This will improve the support for your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion not only restates the main points but also synthesizes them to give a deeper understanding of the essay’s argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which introduces and summarizes your points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and comprehensively, covering both parts of the question.
task achievement
Your language use and sentence structures are varied, which helps maintain reader interest.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advancements in transportation
  • Cultural curiosity
  • Economic reasons
  • Globalization
  • Educational opportunities
  • Digital nomadism
  • Healthcare tourism
  • Tourism industry growth
  • Personal development
  • Interconnectedness
  • Higher living standards
  • Remote work
  • Broaden their horizons
  • Affordable travel
  • Medical treatments
  • Global perspective
  • Air travel options
  • Cuisines
  • Lifestyles
  • Job opportunities
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