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Band 5

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is that happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #travel #countries #development
Nowadays most
citizens
 are interested in itineraries
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other nations. The reason behind
this
 is most
people
 are educated and they are keen to know about another country’s culture and some others are ready to work in another
nation
. These trends will give a positive development.
To begin
,
due to
 the development of technology most
people
 become literate and they have more keen and enthusiastically anticipate knowing about foreign cultures and lifestyles.
Hence
,
citizens
 start to
travel
 abroad and
this
 trend will soar in future.
In addition
, few
citizens
 are travelling to abroad find jobs, because their
nation
 is economically not well and heavy job competition, these factors are stimulating them to move to another
nation
 to fulfil their anticipations.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flight costs are more affordable at present times,
thus
people
 want to
travel
 to
neighboring
Change the spelling
neighbouring
show examples
countries
 for vacation purposes. To illustrate, Thailand, Malaysia and some other
countries
 are allowing tourists without visas,
thus
, their country’s
tourists
Change the noun form
tourist
show examples
 income has started to soar from
last
 year.
Furthermore
, increasing the number of
citizens
 to
travel
 another
nation
 will give a good result. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 start to
travel
 adequately to
countries
 their own nations economies shall be able to develop. Whilst,
people
 will get a new experience and know about the
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 country culture.
In addition
,
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 sector can
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
develop in all
countries
 and
this
 will give a
well
Correct word choice
good
show examples
 economic profit.
To conclude
, soaring of
people
 starting to
travel
 to another country has become a good beneficial. Simultaneously,
this
 can reduce unemployment and broaden human knowledge.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen your topic sentences to ensure each paragraph clearly communicates your main point. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to integrate more varied and developed examples to enhance your arguments. This will improve the support for your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion not only restates the main points but also synthesizes them to give a deeper understanding of the essay’s argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which introduces and summarizes your points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and comprehensively, covering both parts of the question.
task achievement
Your language use and sentence structures are varied, which helps maintain reader interest.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advancements in transportation
  • Cultural curiosity
  • Economic reasons
  • Globalization
  • Educational opportunities
  • Digital nomadism
  • Healthcare tourism
  • Tourism industry growth
  • Personal development
  • Interconnectedness
  • Higher living standards
  • Remote work
  • Broaden their horizons
  • Affordable travel
  • Medical treatments
  • Global perspective
  • Air travel options
  • Cuisines
  • Lifestyles
  • Job opportunities
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