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Band 3.5

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads .. to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#government #money #railway #roads
The government needs to consider
reailways
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railways
emprovments
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improvements
improvement
 over the roads as the
transportaion
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transportation
 system is
essantial
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essential
 for any city .
This
 essay
astrongly
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strongly
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
statment
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statement
.
Becuse
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Because
this
 helps to reduce the number of
cars accident
Fix the agreement mistake
car accidents
show examples
 as well helping people
manging
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managing
show examples
 their
time
 more
sufficentily
Correct your spelling
sufficiently
.
lets
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let's
let us
show examples
 look
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
details
Correct article usage
the details
show examples
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand ,
speending
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spending
 more on the railway
transporting
Wrong verb form
transport
show examples
 system means it will become more convinince for
indviduals
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individuals
 to use which lead to reduce the number of
cars
user
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used
show examples
.. that means
Correct article usage
the risks
show examples
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
show examples
 of
cars
 accident would would go
becuse
 majorty of
pepole
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people
 would use the trains
insted
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instead
 .
for example
 in countres where the train system is operating perfectly like China , the
cars
 crashs are less. On another hand,offering more
financal hepls
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financial help
 to
mentain
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maintain
the railways , means that
trains
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train
show examples
journes
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journeys
journey
 would become
batter
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better
show examples
 in
team
Add an article
a team
the team
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 of
time
managment
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management
and more
poople
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people
 would rely on them to transport
Correct your spelling
because
becuse
 they won`t be late means people can arrive on
time
 for their work our other
commetments
Correct your spelling
commitments
.
for instance
 ,
copmanies
Correct your spelling
companies
in Italy recorded more work
achivement
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achievement
 among their employees
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they are more
confortable
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comfortable
 to
ransport
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transport
 over the train rather than use their own
cars
 so they can get on
time
 for work . In conclusion ,In my opinion , the
outhoritis
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authorities
 should think about increasing the
badget
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budget
 for railways
mentanins
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maintains
mountains
 over the roads , as it can
afectively
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effectively
affectively
braing
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bring
 the
cars
Change noun form
car's
cars'
show examples
 accidents
down
Correct word choice
and
show examples
also
 it can contribute
towerd
Correct your spelling
toward
time
managment
Correct your spelling
management
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 during pick Hourse .
Submitted by hebadyala on

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coherence cohesion
Work more on the logical structuring of your essay. Try to make the flow of ideas smoother and clearer. Each paragraph should have a clear main point that is well-supported by explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling. Incorrect grammar and spelling can distract the reader and affect the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt completely, which is crucial for a high task achievement score.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your arguments, making your points clearer and more believable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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