IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items from famous brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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People
Use synonyms
’s obsession
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 brands has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased more in recent times,
Majority
Correct article usage
The Majority
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 of
people
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 want to buy branded
items
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such
Linking Words
 as clothes, cars and other
items
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 to fulfil their desires, I believe, it is a negative development
on
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in
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 society as it could increase the financial burden and affect our
environment
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 in negative ways. Observing others owning luxury materialistic things can put
a
Remove the article
apply
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negative pressure on those who fail to
afford
Correct pronoun usage
afford them
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.
This
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 means,
for
Change preposition
that
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 those
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
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 and
low class
Add a hyphen
low-class
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 individuals who live in
rented
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a rented
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house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 and only have a basic salary to only buy basic
items
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 like food, clothing,
water
Correct word choice
and water
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such
Linking Words
people
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, can possibly develop
desires
Fix the agreement mistake
desire
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 to buy the same
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 which other rich
people
Use synonyms
 can easily afford.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
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,
this
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 can easily put
financial
Add an article
a financial
the financial
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 burden on them which could affect their
overall
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 health.
For instance
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, my friend Atul who works in a corporate office, earns only 2000$ per month but, wishes to own a car
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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worth 40000$
for
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apply
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just because his colleague has bought it.
Therefore
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, the race of owning branded
items
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 by affluent folks negatively influences normal basic pay
people
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 resulting in financial debt and mental pressure if failed to pay the asked price.
On the other hand
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, the production of branded clothing and other
items
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 damages our
environment
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.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, the consumption of branded
items
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 leads to its over manufacture by companies for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 consumers, which
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 accumulates more in number on our
environment
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 as it doesn’t decompose easily.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clothing brand like H and M produces more than a million clothes in a year for its customers, in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all products are not bought by
people
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 so the remaining ones are tried to burn which pollutes our
environment
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.
Therefore
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, greater use of branded
items
Use synonyms
 has
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 negative impact on our nature too. In conclusion, the use of branded
items
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 definitely has a negative development on our health and
environment
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, so measures to effectively reduce its consumption and production should be implemented.

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Grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar. Ensure the sentences are clear and concise to avoid misunderstandings.
Development
Expand on your points a bit more and provide more specific examples where needed. This will make your argument stronger.
Coherence
Paragraphs should be logically sequenced and ideas should flow smoothly from one to the next.
Structure
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are strong by summarizing the main points. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay easily.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic well by discussing both the reasons and the impact of buying branded items.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve to frame the argument.
Examples
Some examples are relevant and illustrate the points being made, such as the example of your friend Atul.
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