IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries people are now living longer than even before. Some people say that an aging population creates problems of governments. Other people think that there are benefits of society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having in ageing population outweigh the advantages.

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Over the
last
Linking Words
 few years, in ageing
population
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 increasing in many countries
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is causing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays.
Although
Linking Words
 there are several advantages of overcrowding
adults
Use synonyms
, it can have some disadvantages as well. On the one hand, there are several benefits of
growth
Correct your spelling
a growing
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 ageing
population
Use synonyms
. The first merit of it is considered to be that
adults
Use synonyms
 may be good
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 for our children.
For instance
Linking Words
,they take care of them all of the when we
went
Wrong verb form
go
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 to work or others.Sometimes we
saw
Wrong verb form
see
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the old people at the offices,they are teaching the younger workers
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 better than themselves.Another positive aspect is thought to be that elderly
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 can show
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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which ideas are useful or not useful because they have perennially experiences.
That is
Linking Words
 because living is so harder than present they lived in exact period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
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positives
Add a comma
positives,
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 there are several drawbacks of increasing the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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ageing
population
Use synonyms
.One of the major disadvantages of it is that
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
adults
Use synonyms
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
problems for governments,as some of them are working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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therefore
Linking Words
 young can't find
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
employment.
For example
Linking Words
, they work and get
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own pension too.Another important demerit is that
adults
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 thrust on us
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they can't control themselves
as a consequence
Linking Words
 elderly people don't allow
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 can remain
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freely because they will be ponderous when they are not getting any younger. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 can offer several positives, there may be some drawbacks too.From my personal point of view,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 will outweigh the disadvantages.

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grammar
There are grammatical errors that affect clarity. It would be beneficial to review subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and sentence structure. Proofreading and practicing grammar exercises would help.
content
Some arguments can be elaborated further with more details and specific examples to strengthen your position. Expanding on the points would provide richer content and enhance the essay's persuasive power.
coherence
Improve the flow by using linking words and phrases effectively. This will help create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs, making your essay more cohesive.
structure
Revise introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. The introduction should clearly outline the main arguments, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points and reaffirm your stance.
structure
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.
content
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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