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Writing Samples
Band 2

Proportions of US population of 10-19 and 70 and older between 1970 and 2030.

#proportions #population
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The line graph shows information about the percentage of
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population
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the population
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 which changed in
US
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the US
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, over 60 years period from 1970 to 2030. In general, what can be seen from the graph is that
value
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the value
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 of
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population
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the population
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 of 10-19 went down slowly
while
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 the value of
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population
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the population
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 of 70 and older went up. Looking at the details, the rate of
population
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 of 10-19 in the United States made up 10% in 1970.
Then
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 decreased
until
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to
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 about 9% over 30 years. And
then
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 declined again until around 8% by 2030. If we look at the rate of
population
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 of 70 and older in the United States stood at 4% in 1970. After that increased
unto
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to
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 almost 5% between 1970 and 2000.
Following
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this
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,
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apply
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 stepped up again
unto
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to
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 approximately 6% from 2000 to 2030.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a stronger logical structure. Try to better organize your points, presenting each idea in its own paragraph and ensuring a smooth flow between them.
coherence cohesion
To improve the clarity of your ideas, consider simplifying your sentences and using more coherent connections between points.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, provide more detailed and specific examples that support your main points. This will make your response more comprehensive and relevant.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and the general trends shown in the graph.
supported main points
You provided numerical details to describe the trends effectively, which adds to the clarity of your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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