It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Humans have
been
evolved for centuries Unnecessary verb
apply
while
facing many challenges. However
, in the last
few decades, with technological development; people
become less prone to take new experiences. This
essay will argue that
how important a person must get into unknown Correct word choice
apply
endeavors
in their working and private Change the spelling
endeavours
life
.
Technological advancement has improved daily life
for millions of people
. For instance
, communication transportation and home appliances have advanced and user friendly when comparing
to Change the form of the verb
compared
last
two or three decades. Correspondingly men and women were accustomed to these advancements which made them less challengeable Correct article usage
the last
of
their day-to-day activities. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, unknowingly they have been adapted
for a long time of Correct your spelling
adopted
this
mundane lifestyle. For example
, employees who come from metro areas reluctant
to move to Add a missing verb
are reluctant
countryside
even Correct article usage
the countryside
they
get higher Correct word choice
if they
salary
compared to Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
current
job Correct pronoun usage
their current
role
.
Aside from Fix the agreement mistake
roles
above
reasons, Correct article usage
the above
Add an article
the decision
decision making
process is like Add a hyphen
decision-making
a
gambling but Remove the article
apply
this
time you are betting with
your own Change preposition
on
life
. Further
, people
need to take riskier paths when they need to progressive
with their Replace the word
progress
carrier
. Correct your spelling
careers
In particular
, moving in to
Join the words
into
new
profession may Correct article usage
a new
significantly
challenging, but if someone Add a missing verb
be significantly
want
to improve, Change the verb form
wants
right
choice would be to grab the chance and move along. Add an article
the right
Recent
study showed that changing jobs Add an article
A recent
less
than Change preposition
for less
two-year
Correct article usage
a two-year
period
will increase their income Fix the agreement mistake
periods
fifteen
Change preposition
by fifteen
percent
, relative to workers who Change the spelling
per cent
staying
longer period in one employer. Identically, residents who live same Wrong verb form
stay
neighborhood
make their Change the spelling
neighbourhood
life
duller and more stressful which Fix the agreement mistake
lives
harmful
for family members. To Add a missing verb
is harmful
further
clarify, new research emphasizes that living under one roof for extensive
period Correct article usage
an extensive
linked
to Add a missing verb
is linked
higher
chance of divorce rate Add an article
a higher
that
Correct word choice
than
people
whole
moving Correct word choice
apply
new
places under ten or twelve years.
In conclusion, Change preposition
to new
this
reclusive behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
for
taking risks Change preposition
of
more
prevalent in Add a missing verb
is more
the
society with new technological Correct article usage
apply
advancement
. Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
However
, above
essay established that, to become Correct article usage
the above
success
in working and private Replace the word
successful
life
, people
must welcome risks in more open handily.Submitted by magma8000 on
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task achievement
Consider expanding on the explanation of how people have become less prone to taking risks due to technological advancements. Providing more examples and elaboration can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea, logically progressing to the next point. This can help improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to catch any grammatical errors, awkward phrasings, or typos. Simple mistakes can sometimes detract from the overall clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the study on job changes and income increases.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?