Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative
Exponential
progression of Correct article usage
The exponential
human
in the Fix the agreement mistake
humans
last
hundred years, unimaginable with the timeline of human civilization goes back to
thousands of years. Despite the rapid growth of Change preposition
apply
the
technology, telecommunication plays Correct article usage
apply
major
role in Add an article
a major
current
global shift Correct article usage
the current
while
changing the course of human lives. This
essay will argue that
Correct determiner usage
the
repercussion
for teenagers who spend longer screen Fix the agreement mistake
repercussions
time
with their mobile phones.
After, an
age of ten, growth hormones work rapidly, which person naturally tends to Correct article usage
the
looks
for adventures or high-octane activities. Change the verb
look
Therefore
, teen girls and boys tend to use digital devices which ubiquitous in their homes and everywhere. In contrast
, these devices able
to fuel their desire at the range of Add a missing verb
are able
finger
. But these gadgets Fix the agreement mistake
fingers
designed
to get maximum attention from the users Add a missing verb
are designed
while
hacking the brain
addiction system, especially this
mechanism has prevalently
used by social media and gaming platforms to increase the usage Add a missing verb
been prevalently
time
with an
online media. Correct article usage
apply
However
, these methods are more harmful to our subject group which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
brain
is still in underdeveloped
stage.
Even though these tools Add an article
the underdeveloped
an underdeveloped
made
for adults, teenagers become the most vulnerable group in the Add a missing verb
are made
last
few years. If this
look via lens
of the body and mind, will reveal the darkness hidden under the fingers. Add an article
the lens
To begin
, Correct article usage
apply
the
type Correct article usage
apply
two
diabetes has Correct your spelling
2
identified
as a prominent Add a missing verb
been identified
non transferrable
disease among these Add a hyphen
non-transferrable
Change noun form
children
children’s
. A recent study reveals thatChange noun form
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
life
style directly linked to the Replace the word
lifestyle
time
person
Correct article usage
a person
spent
on Wrong verb form
spends
the
digital devices. Another research explained thatCorrect article usage
apply
,
extensive use of digital media can be harmful to neural activities in the Remove the comma
apply
brain
. Because,
neural connectivity supports Remove the comma
apply
a
memory formation and if Correct article usage
apply
this
sabotaged
person will Add a missing verb
is sabotaged
get
difficult to learn and Verb problem
find it
memorizing
information. Wrong verb form
memorise
Therefore
, student
of Fix the agreement mistake
students
this
age group mostly
susceptible to Add a missing verb
are mostly
brain
malfunction, and performance at the school can be degraded.
All things considered, digital
revolution created the global village, Add an article
the digital
Correct word choice
and that
that
transfer speed of information accelerated to unimaginable speed. But at the same Correct determiner usage
the
time
, these gadgets have Add a missing verb
been design
design
to get maximum benefit for commercial purposes, that grab attention from target groups without thinking Change the verb form
designed
the
safety of the younger generation.Change preposition
about the
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task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task, discussing both the reasons why children spend hours on their smartphones and the implications of this behavior. However, some points could be developed further with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, but the logical flow could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and certain paragraphs could be more clearly connected.
task achievement
Make sure to use more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could elaborate more on studies or expert opinions to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring some sentences for better readability. Shorter sentences can sometimes be more effective in conveying your message clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task: reasons why children are on their smartphones and whether this is positive or negative, demonstrating good task achievement.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of discussing the impact on physical health and cognitive development, adding depth to the argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the essay well and improves coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
There is a good attempt to logically structure the essay by discussing the reasons first and then the consequences, which is effective in showing coherence.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?