when choosing a career, many people believe that the only factor to consider is the salary. Others say factors like job satisfaction, job security and work-life balance matter more in our decisions. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. you should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your argument with examples and relevant evidence.
#career #people #factor #salary #factors #job #satisfaction #security #work-life #balance #matter #decisions #support #argument #evidence
A large number of new jobs are arising
such
as remote jobs, a
good salary has been questionable. Despite many people Correct word choice
and a
considerate
income as the only important factor to take a Replace the word
considering
job
, nowadays, there is a trend that people prefer work-life balance, job
satisfaction and job
security. This
essay will discuss both perspectives and show that non-monetary aspect
are more beneficial.
A high wage could provide significant advantages. One of these benefits is that a good salary can offer security. Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
Due to
inflation, covering the basic expenses are
challenging and with enough income, employees will ensure that food, Correct subject-verb agreement
is
accomodation
and electricity are always available. Correct your spelling
accommodation
Additionally
, with a wealthy job
, people should have the possibily
Correct your spelling
possibility
of
afford leisure activities Change preposition
to
such
Change preposition
as traveling
traveling
or eating outside, which can lead to an improvement in Change the spelling
travelling
the
their life.
Remove the article
apply
On the other hand
, a balanced job
may lead to more
satisfactory life. Add an article
a more
Due to
having a work-life balance, staff usually have a constant interest in their present, which can reflect on healthy
mind. In fact, it Add an article
a healthy
well known
that aspects like Add the auxiliary verb
is well known
job
satisfaction can increase happiness and reduce depression because employees can spend time on family and hobbits
. Correct your spelling
hobbies
This
can be represented in good results for the companies. Hence
, this
style of life can result in comfor
and better results Correct your spelling
comfort
both
employee and employer.
Change preposition
for both
To sum up
, although
salary is a crucial factor in the current society, job
satisfaction and work-life balanced
can not be ignored. Replace the word
balance
Furthermore
, a work that appeal
to workers could be beneficial to both employees and companies.Change the verb form
appeals
Submitted by jennitobon16 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of presenting the argument from both perspectives. You should focus on providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument further. For instance, you can mention specific studies or statistics that show the importance of job satisfaction and work-life balance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity by checking for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, replace 'Due to inflation, covering the basic expenses are challenging' with 'Due to inflation, covering basic expenses is challenging.'
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to give a clearer roadmap of your essay. You can briefly mention the specific points you will discuss for each perspective in your introduction.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives well, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The transition between paragraphs is smooth, which aids in understanding and keeps the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main arguments and presents a clear personal opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!