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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #case #development
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Over the
last
 few decades has seen ideas about the
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 style of
clothes
, namely,
Add an article
a
the
show examples
myriad of
people
 now prioritise
to wear
Change the verb form
wearing
show examples
up-to-dated
Correct your spelling
up-to-date
show examples
clothes
 rather than traditional clothing. First and foremost,
trigger
Correct article usage
the trigger
show examples
 associated with
this
 trend is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foreign companies' prior aim is to advertise fabricated modern
clothes
intire
Correct your spelling
entire
wold
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
.
In other words
, when big invested companies
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
advertise their products on social networks
such
 as Instagram, telegram channels,
their
Correct word choice
or their
show examples
 own websites or when well-known
people
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
wear
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
,
thereafter
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizen institutes
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from official websites or stories.
Prime
Add an article
A prime
show examples
 example of that,
probably
Add a missing verb
is probably
show examples
 each year in Real Madrid's official stories virtually 60% of
people
 all over the world
buys
Correct subject-verb agreement
buy
show examples
 Ronaldo's t-shirt rather than their national team's
clothes
.
As a result
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
forgets
Correct subject-verb agreement
forget
show examples
 their own
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
,
culture
Correct word choice
and culture
show examples
 and might
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 patriotism.
According to
 me, it is
entirely
Add an article
an entirely
show examples
 negative development for all nations.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 incentive for
this
 is that if most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
civilians ongoing prioritise
to purchase
Change the verb form
purchasing
show examples
 and
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 with
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 of clothing and culture, it can be
token
Correct article usage
a token
show examples
 of vassal of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 countries and
also
 that countries will supervise them as
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of financial
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
.
Second
Add an article
The second
A second
show examples
 reason for
this
 is that the culture of some nations can be
loose
Correct your spelling
lost
show examples
due to
modernization
Correct article usage
the modernization
show examples
 of
clothes
.
Last
 but not least, it can be
bring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to forget historical rituals, namely, respondents do not prefer to do some of
rituals
Correct article usage
the rituals
show examples
 and offsprings of that country will grow up without image. In conclusion,
while
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
the myriad
show examples
 of obvious causes may be
breeding
Correct article usage
the breeding
show examples
 ground of the observed matter, its consequence is far more positive.
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task achievement
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing more coherent and logically connected arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more specific and varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve expression.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion on the matter.
task achievement
Attempts to provide examples to support arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a conclusion that summarizes the author's viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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