IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays people can use computers to talk, learn and communicate without leaving home. There is a danger that it will cause more isolation and a lack of communication among people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #computers #home #danger #isolation #lack #communication
There is no doubt that these days
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 communicate by using computers,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 and
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 at home,
However
, there is a hazard that it will
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
 an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 introversion and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 among
people
, In my point of view, yes
a
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement. In terms of online meetings and
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 without leaving home,
this
 accelerates
work
 and finishes it
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a shorter time than a physical working area,
also
 if some of the employees
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 a cold or
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 able to go to
work
, the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 could arrange an online meeting and finish tasks
instead
 of delaying it to another day,
this
 idea makes working more efficient and punctual.
Nonetheless
, every idea should contain a disadvantage, the negative impact of online meetings is that it makes
people
 feel more comfortable
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
setting
Correct your spelling
sitting
show examples
 at their accommodation rather than going out and
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
people
. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that remote working makes streets less crowded,
In addition
, diseases will spread slower than before
due to
 working
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a computer, for illustration, if a working area contains 50
people
 the probability of spreading diseases is high, but if those 50 employees
work
 at home the virus or influenza won't spread,
In other words
, hospitals will spend less on health care if
people
 are not close to each other. In conclusion,
although
 working online has a social effect on communication between
people
,
this
 idea decreases the chances of getting diseases,
Therefore
, I believe that online working is useful for human health despite the lack of communication, health is way
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than social communication.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. For example, use connecting phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand' to link ideas.
task achievement
Ensure your points are well-supported with specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Try to avoid repetition in your conclusion. Summarize the main points more succinctly, without repeating what was already stated in the body paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is great for setting up your argument.
logical structure
You have included both the advantages and disadvantages of online communication, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: