Some people think that all children should learn about history at school. Others however, believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
era, some individuals believe that all
students
should learn about
history
at
school
.
On the other hand
, others think that other subjects are more relevant to children’s
lives
today
.
This
essay will discuss both views and I will draw my personal conclusion. On the one hand, some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that all children should learn about
history
at
school
for two main reasons. The first
reason
is the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
of knowing
history
at
school
. It is because of the importance of it in their life.
According to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new survey in the United
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
"
History
subject
is the main
subject
that most
of
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apply
show examples
families prefer
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for their
students
to
importace
Correct your spelling
importance
of gain all knowledge of their
countury
Correct your spelling
country
country's
history
". What is more,
respect
Wrong verb form
respecting
show examples
their rule of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
is a second
reason
.
For instance
, if the
students
do not learn about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
, they will not follow the
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
and
do
Verb problem
will
show examples
not respect others.
Thus
,
history
subject
is a main
subject
for
students
to study at
school
from grade one until graduate from
school
.
On the other hand
, other individuals disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
statement. They think that there are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
for
students
to learn other subjects which are more relevant to children’s
lives
today
.
firstly
, the recent development in
sociey
Correct your spelling
society
is a significant
reason
.
Thus
,
students
should learn what
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
happing
Verb problem
happening
show examples
in their
lives
because other jobs will be
invention
Replace the word
inventive
show examples
after they
will graduation
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
.
this
will help them to be in
Correct article usage
a jobs
show examples
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
environment with more skills.
Moreover
, the second
reason
is the new issues that are appearing in
this
era
contemorary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
. they must be in updating any
any
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
social phenomena.
Thus
, others prefer to study other subjects that are relevant to their
lives
today
. In conclusion, there is no doubt that every individual
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a different opinion
according to
their own
reason
. In my opinion , I argued that
students
should
be update
Change the verb form
be updated
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
their
live's
Replace the word
lives's
show examples
today
and at the same time they should learn the
impotrantce
Correct your spelling
importance
of their
history
.
Submitted by almeem on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that every point is fully developed and supported with specific examples or details. Avoid repetition and ensure each sentence logically follows the previous one.
task achievement
Try to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to avoid repetition and to convey ideas more clearly. Be sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction adequately sets the stage by presenting the topic and outlining the main points to be discussed.
supported main points
The writer makes a commendable effort to present both sides of the argument—those who support teaching history and those who prioritize other subjects.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • relevant
  • modern career opportunities
  • financial literacy
  • computer skills
  • well-rounded education
  • practical subjects
  • valuable lessons
  • past mistakes and successes
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