More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a morden life style which can not be treated with morden medicines. Some people think that a return to a traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extend to you agree?
A toxic modern life causing various
health
problems
that
is
yet to be healed by modern Change the verb form
are
medicines
. Because of this
, some people suggest to try the traditional medicines
as an alternative. In this
essay, I agree with the first view to stick with modern medicines
because they are clinically proven to cure
new illnesses although
they need time
, while
the majority of traditional medicines
do not offer credibility.
Most modern health
problems
are caused by habits, resulting complex
illnesses like cancer. The technologies and recent experiments of modern Change preposition
in complex
medicines
can cure
the
modern Correct article usage
apply
health
problems
, but they need time
. This
could be achieved with a lot of efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
of
the Change preposition
from
pharmacysts
and supported with advanced Correct your spelling
pharmacists
laboratoriums
and treatments. A clear example of Correct your spelling
laboratories
that is
the coronavirus that
Correct pronoun usage
which
is
cured with vaccines produced by several medical labs in the past two years. Other than that, the severity level of cancer has reduced with chemotherapy. Verb problem
has been
Hence
, enough time
and experiment
will Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
cure
the modern health
problems
soon in the future.
In contrast
, the majority of traditional medicines
are not scientifically proven. They are widely used by people because of traditions and they solving
Wrong verb form
solve
health
problems
that have been happening for centuries. Moreover
, they are not relevant with
modern Change preposition
to
health
problems
. For instance
, cancer and obesity can not be healed with herbals, they must be going
through a lot of treatments and therapies that Wrong verb form
go
utilized
advanced technologies.
In conclusion, to Wrong verb form
utilise
cure
modern health
problems
, we need modern medicines
and treatments that
is
clinically proven by experts. Even though it needs Change the verb form
are
time
to be achieved. Returning to traditional medicines
is not an answer because it is just widely used for common health
problems
that have been occuring
for a long Correct your spelling
occurring
time
.Submitted by evaagustine11 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To boost your coherence and cohesion, consider making your transitions between ideas more seamless. For instance, using linking words and phrases like 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore,' can help make the essay flow better.
task achievement
While your response covers the task requirements, providing more detailed and complex ideas can improve your score. Try delving deeper into each point to show a more comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured layout. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single idea or argument.
task achievement
You've provided relevant and specific examples to back up your main points, which is crucial for a strong essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and you remain on-topic throughout, which effectively fulfills the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for your essay, setting the stage and summarizing well.
coherence cohesion
You've supported your main points adequately, which adds to the overall strength of your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?