IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a morden life style which can not be treated with morden medicines. Some people think that a return to a traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extend to you agree?

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A toxic modern life causing various
health
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problems
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that
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 yet to be healed by modern
medicines
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. Because of
this
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, some people suggest to try the traditional
medicines
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 as an alternative. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I agree with the first view to stick with modern
medicines
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 because they are clinically proven to
cure
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 new illnesses
although
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 they need
time
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,
while
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 the majority of traditional
medicines
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 do not offer credibility. Most modern
health
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problems
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 are caused by habits, resulting
complex
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in complex
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 illnesses like cancer. The technologies and recent experiments of modern
medicines
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 can
cure
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
health
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problems
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, but they need
time
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.
This
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 could be achieved with a lot of
efforts
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effort
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of
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from
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 the
pharmacysts
Correct your spelling
pharmacists
 and supported with advanced
laboratoriums
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laboratories
 and treatments. A clear example of
that is
Linking Words
 the coronavirus
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is
Verb problem
has been
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 cured with vaccines produced by several medical labs in the past two years. Other than that, the severity level of cancer has reduced with chemotherapy.
Hence
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, enough
time
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 and
experiment
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experiments
show examples
 will
cure
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 the modern
health
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problems
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 soon in the future.
In contrast
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, the majority of traditional
medicines
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 are not scientifically proven. They are widely used by people because of traditions and they
solving
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solve
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health
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problems
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 that have been happening for centuries.
Moreover
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, they are not relevant
with
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to
show examples
 modern
health
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problems
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, cancer and obesity can not be healed with herbals, they must
be going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 through a lot of treatments and therapies that
utilized
Wrong verb form
utilise
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 advanced technologies. In conclusion, to
cure
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 modern
health
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problems
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, we need modern
medicines
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 and treatments
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 clinically proven by experts. Even though it needs
time
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 to be achieved. Returning to traditional
medicines
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 is not an answer because it is just widely used for common
health
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problems
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 that have been
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 for a long
time
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.

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coherence cohesion
To boost your coherence and cohesion, consider making your transitions between ideas more seamless. For instance, using linking words and phrases like 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore,' can help make the essay flow better.
task achievement
While your response covers the task requirements, providing more detailed and complex ideas can improve your score. Try delving deeper into each point to show a more comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured layout. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single idea or argument.
task achievement
You've provided relevant and specific examples to back up your main points, which is crucial for a strong essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and you remain on-topic throughout, which effectively fulfills the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for your essay, setting the stage and summarizing well.
coherence cohesion
You've supported your main points adequately, which adds to the overall strength of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • natural remedies
  • herbal remedies
  • acupuncture
  • synthetic modern medicines
  • lifestyle diseases
  • sedentary behavior
  • nutrition
  • accessible and affordable
  • scientific evidence
  • regulation
  • clinical trials
  • complementary medicine
  • integrative medicine
  • traditional medicine practices
What to do next:
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