Government investment in the arts such music and theatre , it is waste of money . Governmentust invest this money in public service instead . To what extent do you agree or disagree with statement .
There is no doubt that some
people
think that Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government's
investment in Correct article usage
the government's
arts
Use synonyms
such
as music and theatres is a Linking Words
waste
of Use synonyms
money
, and the Use synonyms
government
should invest Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
money
in public service Use synonyms
instead
, In my opinion, I disagree with Linking Words
this
statement.
In terms of investments in Linking Words
arts
, a large number of Use synonyms
people
are not aware of the huge profits the Use synonyms
government
make from music and theatres, for illustration, a cinema theatre that consists of 80 seats and priced Use synonyms
10$
for each seat, Change preposition
at 10$
Linking Words
this
means that the Correct pronoun usage
apply
government
are earning 800$ for only one show of the movie theatre, the main reason given that supports Use synonyms
this
claim is that the society doesn't realize the revenue the Linking Words
government
earns from Use synonyms
arts
, In order to end Use synonyms
this
mentality of considering every investment in a hobby that they don't prefer "Linking Words
stupide
", the department of education should set up a new school subject called " Investment rewards" to educate the positive result of investing for the Correct your spelling
stupid
government
.
Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
doesn't mean that the Linking Words
government
should not invest in public services, I consider investing in public services Use synonyms
are
more essential than Change the verb form
to be
Use synonyms
arts
, but I disagree with some Correct article usage
the arts
people
who think that investing in Use synonyms
Use synonyms
arts
is a Correct article usage
the arts
waste
of Use synonyms
money
, everything despite what it is if it has a high demand from Use synonyms
people
, It will absolutely be profitable,Use synonyms
such
as sports, Linking Words
arts
and video games.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
some Linking Words
people
think investing in Use synonyms
arts
is a Use synonyms
waste
of Use synonyms
money
, it is more profitable than public services, Use synonyms
therefore
, I believe that investing in Linking Words
arts
is never a Use synonyms
waste
of Use synonyms
money
.Use synonyms
Submitted by yazanalt523 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction. Currently, it is one sentence, which is a bit brief. Adding some context or background can make your essay more engaging and provide a solid foundation for your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly has one main idea and stick with it throughout the paragraph. The paragraph discussing the profits of arts investments contains multiple ideas that can make it less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Refine the topic sentences of paragraphs to ensure they clearly summarize the main point of the paragraph. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay and improves coherence.
task achievement
Introduce a wider variety of examples to support your points. For instance, in addition to cinema theatres, other aspects of the art sector like museums, art galleries, and music festivals can also be mentioned. This adds depth and relevance to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Refine the conclusion to succinctly restate the main arguments of your essay. It should encapsulate your viewpoint and the reasons behind it concisely.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced viewpoint and a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical. You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which presents a clear organization.
task achievement
Your ideas are interesting and relevant to the topic. You have provided an example of how government investment in arts can generate revenue, which helps in supporting your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.