Government investment in the arts such music and theatre , it is waste of money . Governmentust invest this money in public service instead . To what extent do you agree or disagree with statement .
There is no doubt that some
people
think that government's
investment in Correct article usage
the government's
arts
such
as music and theatres is a waste
of money
, and the government
should invest this
money
in public service instead
, In my opinion, I disagree with this
statement.
In terms of investments in arts
, a large number of people
are not aware of the huge profits the government
make from music and theatres, for illustration, a cinema theatre that consists of 80 seats and priced 10$
for each seat, Change preposition
at 10$
this
means that the Correct pronoun usage
apply
government
are earning 800$ for only one show of the movie theatre, the main reason given that supports this
claim is that the society doesn't realize the revenue the government
earns from arts
, In order to end this
mentality of considering every investment in a hobby that they don't prefer "stupide
", the department of education should set up a new school subject called " Investment rewards" to educate the positive result of investing for the Correct your spelling
stupid
government
.
However
, this
doesn't mean that the government
should not invest in public services, I consider investing in public services are
more essential than Change the verb form
to be
arts
, but I disagree with some Correct article usage
the arts
people
who think that investing in arts
is a Correct article usage
the arts
waste
of money
, everything despite what it is if it has a high demand from people
, It will absolutely be profitable,such
as sports, arts
and video games.
In conclusion, although
some people
think investing in arts
is a waste
of money
, it is more profitable than public services, therefore
, I believe that investing in arts
is never a waste
of money
.Submitted by yazanalt523 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction. Currently, it is one sentence, which is a bit brief. Adding some context or background can make your essay more engaging and provide a solid foundation for your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly has one main idea and stick with it throughout the paragraph. The paragraph discussing the profits of arts investments contains multiple ideas that can make it less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Refine the topic sentences of paragraphs to ensure they clearly summarize the main point of the paragraph. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay and improves coherence.
task achievement
Introduce a wider variety of examples to support your points. For instance, in addition to cinema theatres, other aspects of the art sector like museums, art galleries, and music festivals can also be mentioned. This adds depth and relevance to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Refine the conclusion to succinctly restate the main arguments of your essay. It should encapsulate your viewpoint and the reasons behind it concisely.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced viewpoint and a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical. You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which presents a clear organization.
task achievement
Your ideas are interesting and relevant to the topic. You have provided an example of how government investment in arts can generate revenue, which helps in supporting your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.