An increasingly number of professionals , such as doctors and teachers , are leaving their own poorer countries yo work in developed countries . What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation ?
Undoubtedly, professionals
such
as doctors and teachers are in demand in many developed countries
around the world but this
leaves the country
of origin lacking the skilled people
needed to develop their societies. Therefore
, in this
essay, I will discuss on
the problems Change preposition
apply
this
migration poses and also
solutions to deal with this
situation.
One of the problems when professional graduates leave their birth countries
is that the society loses its skilled workers who can contribute tremendously to the development of its society. For example
, doctors are a vital part of any community and their expertise are
needed to diagnose and treat these poor Correct subject-verb agreement
is
people
. Moreover
, without doctors and teachers, the country
could not sustain its health and education system. In short, it is up to the educated people
of the poor country
to bring help their
own Change preposition
to their
people
.
Soon or later, the poorer countries
need to provide solutions quickly to tackle the issue before they lose all their graduates to foreign countries
. One of the effective ways,
is to offer scholarships to these professional graduates and bound them by contract to work for the government for a long period of service.To illustrate Remove the comma
apply
this
, in the year
2006 to 2010, the Malaysian government did the same thing and was able to retain a large number of professionals until it was saturated at one point in time.
In conclusion, I feel, that professionals get frustrated with the unchanging system in the poor Fix the agreement mistake
years
countries
that forces migration to foreign countries
in pursuit of a better life. When proper solutions and initiatives are developed by the authorities, the poorer countries
can do so much better in retaining their professional expertise in their country
.Submitted by coke_sars on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both problems and solutions. However, providing more specific and varied examples would strengthen your argument. Try to include data or case studies if available.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within each paragraph relate closely to the main point. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for better cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion is clear, it needs to summarize the main points more effectively. Reiterate the key problems and solutions briefly. Also, consider refining your introduction to more clearly state what will be covered in the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the issue of professionals migrating from poorer to developed countries and poses practical solutions to deal with this.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the Malaysian government’s initiative, helps to illustrate your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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