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In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advatages and disadventages of having more one job?

#people #job #time #development #advatages #disadventages
These days,
in contrast
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 past, the number of
people
 who
accupy
Correct your spelling
occupy
 in more than
one
job
 have been increased. In
this
 essay, we will discuss the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
phenomenone
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
,
as well as
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effects of having more than
one
job
. Increasing the cost of living can be a key factor in choosing some extra
job
 at the same time. In terms of
this
, nowadays,
as a result
 of increasing
urbon
Correct your spelling
urban
carbon
 lifestyle and standard of living, the cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
greate
Correct your spelling
great
 number of
people
 have two or three cars and their children attend extra education classes.
Therefore
, most
people
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to engage in more than
one
job
.
Moreover
,
advancemet
Correct your spelling
advances
 in
technology
 provide a suitable place for using
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote work. Owing to cutting-edge
technology
, most individual can stay at home and accept some projects
along with
 their first
job
such
 as translating, online education and article editing.
This
 shows
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
technology
 advancement leads to providing a suitable space for
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
job
.
This
 development has some advantages and disadvantages. The primary advantage of
this
phenomene
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
phenomena
 is more communication in society.
Due to
 the fact that most
people
 have more colleagues and they have more
intraction
Correct your spelling
interaction
 with them.
In addition
,
as a result
 of
this
 change, the children of these families become more responsible.
This
 means that they learn how to manage themself and how
carry
Add the particle
to carry
show examples
 out their tasks.
Then
 it can
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them to be
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
,
This
 development
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 several
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effects.
One
 of the major
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 of
this
 change can be depression. To explain more, most
people
 spend more time of their life on work, but
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small part of their time
allocate
Wrong verb form
is allocated
show examples
leisure
Change preposition
to leisure
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
.
Therefore
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of these times can give rise to some mental problems. In conclusion, Increasing the cost of living and providing a suitable space
due to
 cutting-edge
technology
 can be the most
Correct word choice
common reasons
show examples
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 increasing
willingness
Correct article usage
the willingness
show examples
 of
people
 to have more than
one
job
.
Furthermore
,
this
 can
some
Add a missing verb
have some
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
such
 as fostering
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of responsibility in
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 and increasing connection in society for these
people
.
Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on

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task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and typing errors, as there are several in the essay (e.g., 'occupy' instead of 'acqupy', 'phenomene' instead of 'phenomenon', 'negetive' instead of 'negative', 'tent' instead of 'tend'). Revising these would enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one clear idea and is well-developed. Some ideas are introduced but not fully expanded, which can make the essay less effective. For example, the idea about advanced technology could be elaborated more to show its full impact on working multiple jobs.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to make the essay more fluid and easier to follow. For instance, 'Therefore, most people tent to engage in more than one job' could be rephrased for better readability: 'Therefore, many people tend to engage in more than one job.'
task achievement
The essay addresses the task well by discussing both the reasons for the development and the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and aligned with the task, providing a balanced overview of the topic.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the increased cost of living and advancements in technology, which help to support the main points.
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