Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that girls and boys benefit more from attending mixed schools. Which education system do you think is better? Why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
people have various views about it is more beneficial for them to study in mixed
wether
boys and girls should study in separate academic environments orCorrect your spelling
whether
Correct word choice
if
schools
. while
attending Change preposition
apply
in
separateChange preposition
apply
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
cause
more concentration, I believe that mixed Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
schools
are more useful for childrens
personalities .
one the one hand , proponents of separate Change to a genitive case
children's
schools
believe that these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
schools
can provide safer and intensive place
for pupils because they can study in Fix the agreement mistake
places
tranquil
place without any distraction , because Correct article usage
a tranquil
in
the younger age students involve themselves with differences between two Change preposition
at
gender
. Fix the agreement mistake
genders
moreover
, relationships and love story
are widespread in these ages , which can disrupt learning. Fix the agreement mistake
stories
For
instance
some Add a comma
instance,
youger
Correct your spelling
younger
generation
engage with relationships and drama seriously Fix the agreement mistake
generations
in
school time.
one the other hand, critics argue that separate Change preposition
during
schools
make minors isolated and they are not able to interact with their peers in a normal way. it is apparent that we are living in same
societies so as a teenager learning accurate Correct article usage
the same
connection
is playing Fix the agreement mistake
connections
pivotal
role in our social lifestyle. Add an article
a pivotal
Furthermore
, because of mixed schools
an
outstanding competition can consist between two Correct article usage
apply
gender
, which is profitable for their education. Change to a plural noun
genders
for instance
, in kindergarden
, where boys and girls are together in every Correct your spelling
kindergarten
countries
, boys and girls can be their Change to a singular noun
country
rival
in learning.
in conclusion, I can understand why some people might consider that children should be separated but to Fix the agreement mistake
rivals
me
Add a comma
me,
schools
can make a significant contribution for
learning how to communicate with Change preposition
to
their
opposite gender.Change the word
the
Submitted by yasaman.bozorgzad9 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
In your essay, you mentioned both sides of the debate, which is good for the task achievement. However, the arguments could be more thoroughly developed with clearer examples. For instance, providing more detailed, real-world examples and elaborating on points could enhance the essay's depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is quite good, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on transitioning smoothly between ideas to improve the logical flow. Using linking words and phrases could help in making the arguments more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, try to avoid repetition of words and phrases by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences. This can make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and a well-defined conclusion, which helps in providing a complete response to the task.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints which shows a balanced discussion—an essential component for a good task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for each point. This helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.