Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which one you think is better.

It is widely known that in some
countries
the government assists
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly citizens by providing financial help, in other parts of the world
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families take up
this
role.
This
essay will analyse both arguments and give reasons why it is the duty of the family to take care of the elderly or retired population. Governments in certain
countries
are left with no other choice than to assist the elderly monetarily.
This
is because many older people do not have any family to look after them. It is possible that someone never had children or moved to a different location later in life, meaning that they have no family to provide for them.
For instance
, a person who never chose to marry or never had children might retire at 70 years old and have no one to look after them.
For
this
reason, it is clearly evident that people like them deserve assistance from the government as they get older and lose the ability to look after themselves.
On the contrary
,
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
from many
countries
prefer the take up
this
role of assisting the elderly
This
is to say, that they can receive improved personalised care if it is someone from within the family.
As a result
, increased time and attention
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
devoted to the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
of these people.
Moreover
, personally taking up the responsibility of assisting the elderly has a positive effect on them. It has
shown
Add a missing verb
been shown
show examples
to increase happiness levels and instill a sense of belonging. With
this
in mind, it is undoubtedly beneficial for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
to be supported by their
Correct your spelling
family
familiy
Correct your spelling
families
In conclusion,
although
in certain
countries
the authorities provide help to the elderly and disabled citizens, I believe that it is the duty of the family members to support the elderly.
Additionally
,
this
ensures that they are being looked after properly and all their specific needs are met.
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relevant specific examples
Elaborate more on examples. For instance, in the first body paragraph, an example of how government assistance can be structured (like pensions and social security) would strengthen your argument.
supported main points
Ensure every point is consistently supported with evidence and examples. This makes your arguments more compelling and grounded.
logical structure
Watch out for minor spelling mistakes. For example, 'indivduals' should be 'individuals,' and 'familiy' should be 'family.'
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which neatly summarizes the key points.
complete response
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both governmental and familial support systems.
logical structure
The essay flows logically, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial assistance
  • retired
  • unemployed
  • disabled
  • government support
  • safety net
  • social security
  • pensions
  • poverty
  • social inequality
  • redistribute
  • wealth
  • savings
  • financial planning
  • political climate
  • economic stability
  • familial support
  • intergenerational
  • community ties
  • pressure
  • strained relationships
  • feasible
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