Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People have varying opinions about whether
music
can be used to make individuals from different cultures or ages unite. I completely agree that
music
can unify people. First of all,
music
can be regarded as a global language in human society. It can break through some barriers existing between different languages or country boundaries, making it preferred by
music
lovers from all over the world.
For example
, it is difficult to buy a ticket for Taylor Swift's concert as she is incredibly popular worldwide. Most countries or regions are so pleased to invite her to hold a concert, increasing the domestic income.
In addition
, Jay Chou, a Chinese singer, produced a song named "Nunchakus,"  which has become a smash hit in the
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
world.
As a result
of that, an increasing number of
westerners
Capitalize word
Westerners
show examples
are interested in Chinese culture. 
Secondly
,
music
has its own special glamour to attract people from all different age groups.
For instance
, in China, there is a
music
TV programme called "The Voice of
ina
Capitalize word
Ina
show examples
."
This
intriguing programme could bring every
family's
Change noun form
family
show examples
members
Fix the agreement mistake
member
show examples
together to have conversations, facilitating their emotional expressions and enhancing their relationships.
Furthermore
, good
music
can be passed from one generation to the
next,
such
as Boundless Oceans, a song from a band named Beyond.
This
song has existed for several decades;
however
, it is still preferred by most Chinese youngsters.  In conclusion, my view is that
music
could unify
music
advocates, regardless
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
cultures or age groups.
Submitted by 842623369 on

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coherence
In the second paragraph, further elaborate on how international music events directly contribute to cultural unity to strengthen the argument.
cohesion
Linking words and phrases could be used more frequently to enhance the flow from one sentence to another.
task response
Although examples provided are strong, you could expand with one more detailed example to support the point fully.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your opinion.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is solid, and you present your ideas in a well-organized manner.
relevant examples
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which help to clarify your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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