IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries people are now living longer than over before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benifits if society has more elderly people.

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There is a tendency for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 to live longer than they were in the past. The essay will first demonstrate that the earlier someone learns an additional language the more likely they are to master it and that it brings added cognitive benefits, followed by an analysis of how the primary disadvantage, namely confusion with their native tongue, is not valid. Since, seniors have experienced different methods of teaching, old
people
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 provide essential benefits
on
Change preposition
in
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education
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. They bring entertaining and interesting educational lessons to teenagers, since they
teached
Correct your spelling
teach
 most of our generations and psychologically know better than anyone else.
In addition
Linking Words
, an increased high-age population will improve and develop knowledge of young
people
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by
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through
show examples
 their unique teaching skills and abilities.
For example
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, in the USA, 68% of the educators are elderly
people
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, and it is proved that
education
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 in the USA ranks first among developed countries, which means
impact
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the impact
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 of experienced teachers
are
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is
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 huge. At the same time, we must not forget that elderly
people
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also
Linking Words
 have disadvantages.
For example
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, elderly
people
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 are more likely to catch the disease than younger
people
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. These include diseases
such
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 as cancer, tuberculosis, influenza, etc. Psychological problems that often arise in seniors are
also
Linking Words
 a problem for society. Despite the fact that
people
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 with psychological illnesses attack and even kill innocent
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 is very dangerous for society. In conclusion, aged
people
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 contribute to improved
education
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. The main factor for
this
Linking Words
 is experience. But the downsides of an
aging
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ageing
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 population include increased costs and pressure on the economy, health services, and increased competition for jobs. In short, elders are not a problem or a danger if you take good care of them.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 must always look after them. Aged citizens are needed because experience and wisdom are something that teenagers don’t have. They contribute to their
education
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly introduce the topic and outline the main points that will be discussed, rather than discussing an unrelated point about learning languages.
task achievement
Ensure your main points align with your thesis statement. If the essay is about the benefits and drawbacks of an ageing population, discussing unrelated topics can be confusing for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay could be more cohesive if each paragraph started with a clear topic sentence that previews what will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs logically, and make sure each paragraph sticks to its main point to avoid confusion and enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay successfully includes both perspectives about the ageing population, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Use of examples, such as the statistic about educators in the USA, adds relevancy and specificity to your points.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present and reiterates the main points discussed in the essay, which is important for a cohesive structure.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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