IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?

#dangers #chemicals #food #production #preservation
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Nowadays, chemical elements are an integral part of our foods. It is argued by some that the utilized
chemicals
Use synonyms
 in food production and preservation may cripple. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will consider difficulties in daily life or fatal consequences as one of the main drawbacks and
longer
Correct article usage
the longer
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 life span of foods as one of the primary
benefits
Use synonyms
. One of the principal disadvantages of
chemicals
Use synonyms
 is probably they ruin human being’s body condition. It is
Correct article usage
a
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fact that accumulating
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
harmful elements may cause some troubles.
For example
Linking Words
, heavy metals and organic pollutants possibly lead to a higher risk of cancer,
Correct word choice
and nervous
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nervous
Correct word choice
and nervous
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 system damage and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high sugar content
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
Correct your spelling
affect
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
Change preposition
apply
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on
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apply
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high blood pressure.
As a result
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, people would experience
a
Correct article usage
apply
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headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
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, dizziness, and stomach issues at best, and if they
would
Verb problem
do
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 not listen to their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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, fatal may happen at worst. The main benefit of
chemicals
Use synonyms
 is an extension period of foods. In fact, some of them keep the quality at an appropriate level for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
.
For instance
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, sodium benzoate, calcium propionate, and potassium sorbate are used to prevent microbial growth that causes spoilage and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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slow changes in colour, texture, and flavour.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, these
benefits
Use synonyms
 can play a key role in
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 business and people can preserve some food longer time. In conclusion, the drawbacks of
chemicals
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 may bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious consequences
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human being’s health, which can change body condition slowly and must be weighed against the
benefits
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,
such
Linking Words
 as an extension period. Generally, the drawbacks outweigh the
benefits
Use synonyms
 because
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
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 of
chemicals
Use synonyms
 act unhurriedly by accumulating some unnecessary elements.
Submitted by dussip.rustem on

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task achievement
Although the essay introduces the topic and presents the central argument, more specific details and examples are needed to thoroughly support the main points. Try to provide more concrete evidence to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and flows well, but the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to ensure a seamless connection between ideas.
language use
Some sentences have grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Pay careful attention to sentence construction and grammatical accuracy to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and presents a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples of chemicals and their benefits to support the argument effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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