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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the amount of financial help that four countries received and how the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show the amount of financial help that four countries received and how the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar chart represents aspects and years
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 countries gave monetary support. The table below displays the number of
money
Use synonyms
 spent by all 4 nations. By looking at the bar chart, we can already see, that after 40 years, governments spent way less
money
Use synonyms
 on these industries.
For example
Linking Words
,
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on finance decreased just a little bit. Speaking about medicine, it got lower
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
but not that much.
However
Linking Words
,
catering
Correct article usage
the catering
show examples
 aspect just went down drastically. The table shows us information about the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 and regions. Every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 reduced their
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 on certain aspects. Indonesia and South Africa lowered their finances the least, with the results of 23 and 25 million dollars. Thailand invested 30 million dollars less in these 4 decades.
However
Linking Words
, China reduced a whole 56 million dollars from investment to these aspects. These results are not that surprising. Because there are many more new
techlonogies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 and industries that are coming up to our view and they
also
Linking Words
 need a starting investment. So,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has to split
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the budget and focus on each aspect

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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