Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Most of
lawbreakers
tend to break the laws again and again after the first retribution. In Add an article
the lawbreakers
this
essay, I explained my views furthermore
.
To Rephrase
further
bigging
with, before Correct your spelling
begin
taken
Change the form of the verb
taking
the
custody we need to realise the background and the personality of the offenders. My personal view is most of them are reasonable. As Correct article usage
apply
a
example,a poor woman stole a coconut from a big coconut estate for cooking as her Change the article
an
children
in starving and nothing
at home to cook. She Add a missing verb
had nothing
arrested
and punished. But,how she can pay the police fees or the charges for lawyersAdd a missing verb
was arrested
.
She will go to jail. Change the punctuation
?
While
she is in the custody ,who lookafter
her Correct your spelling
look after
children
.
Change the punctuation
?
Furthermore
, the innocent lady became angry about her and the society. Additionally
, she is suffering about
her poverty and her Change preposition
from
children
. As a result
,after she returned back from th
jail she Correct your spelling
the
motivated
to continue the wrong things. Her scared about the law will disappear. Because no one tried to understand her situation, no one Add a missing verb
was motivated
care
about her family. Wrong verb form
cared
On the other hand
, her children
also
neglected by Add a missing verb
are also
the
society. But where is faulty?
By the way, we need to think Correct article usage
apply
why
she did Change preposition
about why
this
?
She Change the punctuation
.
also
an innocent woman and Add a missing verb
is also
also
a mother. Why she became
poor?Is it her fault? No, Wrong verb form
become
Government
should take Correct article usage
the Government
her
responsibility. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Government
must encourage local industries and introduce people to work there. Correct article usage
The government
Also
, the
can make good marketing for self-employment Correct your spelling
they
opportunity
and they can provide knowledge about Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
the
production, marketing and business. So, Correct article usage
apply
poor
Add an article
the poor
a poor
Fix the agreement mistake
women
woman
never ever do robbery, because she has Fix the agreement mistake
women
an
employment and she has Remove the article
apply
Correct article usage
apply
an
income. Her Correct article usage
apply
children
also
work with her and there is good
family bond and Add an article
a good
the good
secure
.
In Replace the word
security
my
conclusion, before Correct pronoun usage
apply
punish
Change the verb form
punishing
the
innocent people the authorities take Correct article usage
apply
the
custody and Correct article usage
apply
questioning
them. Because most Wrong verb form
question
of
Change preposition
apply
offenders
are reasonable and we can develop their self-esteem and Add an article
the offenders
self-securuty
without punishment.Correct your spelling
self-security
Submitted by amalitharangani0 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The introduction needs to be more precise and clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Consider rephrasing it to better set the stage for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a logical structure. Break down your points into distinct paragraphs. For example, one paragraph could address the reasons why offenders reoffend, and another could provide solutions to the problem.
task achievement
Some ideas are not very clear or comprehensive. Work on making your points more detailed and structured. For instance, elaborate more on how government initiatives could prevent reoffending.
task achievement
You have included specific examples that help illustrate your points. This is great for making your arguments more relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which allows for a better flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have a compassionate and empathetic tone, which is effective in discussing societal issues such as crime and punishment.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.