IELTS Writing Correction Service / Writing Samples / Band 7 Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In today’s world, the debate surrounding
advertisement
has become a central topic of public discourse. Some support the idea that advertising encourages Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
people
to buy unnecessary products, a notion that I find myself inclined to agree with.
In support of this
perspective, my stance is primarily shaped by the logical coherence that advertisement
cause harm to Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
people
‘s health. This
stance is firmly grounded in the belief that false information delivered by advertisements seriously endangered
Wrong verb form
endangers
people
’s life
. A significant study in Hong Kong Fix the agreement mistake
lives
university
discovered that the sales of Capitalize word
University
cigarattes
rose after the Correct your spelling
cigarettes
advertisement
released
. In the Add a missing verb
was released
advertisement
of cigarattes
, it relates Correct your spelling
cigarettes
cigarattes
with a chic for Correct your spelling
cigarettes
people
to follow. It is also
important to consider that the advertisement
tend
to create an atmosphere of anxiety in order to force Change the verb form
tends
peole
to buy their product. Correct your spelling
people
This
phenomenon is commonly
in the beauty industry. Change the word
common
People
who influenced
by the propaganda would ignore the potential risk and Add a missing verb
are influenced
do
plastic surgery for beauty Verb problem
get
due to
lack
of confidence in their appearance. Correct article usage
a lack
Latest
news unveiled a case of a young lady Correct article usage
The latest
received
Correct pronoun usage
who received
an
irreversible damage from Remove the article
apply
the
surgery.
Correct article usage
apply
Futhermore
, the credibility of Correct your spelling
Furthermore
this
perspective is supported by another compelling argument: advertisement
would give extra meaning to the product. Supporting this
argument, recent discoveries by reputable entities have revealed that Apple products now become the representative of hierarchy in China, a phenomenon that transcentds
ephemeral trendsCorrect your spelling
transcends
,
and underscores a consistent movement towards pursuing it at all Remove the comma
apply
cost
. Fix the agreement mistake
costs
Therefore
, the significant benefit
identified are too vital to ignore.
In conclusion, my firm conviction in the view that advertising Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
making
Wrong verb form
makes
people
buy things that are not needed is rooted in the detailed and cogently presented arugments
. Despite potential future obstacles, the foundation of my argument remains robust and convincing.Correct your spelling
arguments
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Grammar and Typographical Errors
There are a few grammatical and typographical errors that need to be corrected. For instance, 'advertisement cause harm' should be 'advertisements cause harm'. Also, 'ladteta news unveiled a case of a young lady' should be 'Latest news unveiled a case of a young lady'.
Task Response
Try to provide a balanced view by briefly mentioning the opposing viewpoint. Even if you disagree with it, acknowledging the other side can show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Language Variety and Complexity
The essay should benefit from a more varied sentence structure. This can help make the reading more engaging and demonstrate better control of the language.
Structure and Coherence
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Arguments are well-developed and supported by relevant examples.
Task Response
You have clearly stated your viewpoint and supported it with strong, relevant examples, particularly the studies and news reports mentioned.
Language Usage
There is a good use of academic and topic-specific vocabulary, which contributes to the clarity and sophistication of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.