Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Most
contries
in the world adhere Correct your spelling
countries
the
market economy. Change preposition
to the
But
some species of markets are characterized by Correct word choice
However
the
high level of inequality Correct article usage
a
such
as popular actors, musicians, and athletes. The most prominent stars
earn tremendous money whereas
fewer famous talants
have Correct your spelling
talents
little
salary. Some people agree with the current situation, Add an article
a little
while
others believe that the stars
are rich unduly.This
essay will be devoted this
phenomenon.
Change preposition
to this
To begin
with the first position. The stars
are the face of our nation, embody of
the population, and representatives of the culture. Their performances can gather Change preposition
apply
hudreds
of thousands of miscellaneous spectators and Correct your spelling
hundreds
also
they bring a numerous
profit for Correct word choice
large
economy
and create new Add an article
the economy
work spaces
. Correct your spelling
workspaces
For example
, Teylor
Swift is a singer and Time's Correct your spelling
Taylor
person
of 2023 year. Her Eras Tours can bring nearly one billion Capitalize word
Person
of
dollars Change preposition
apply
for
the host country. Change preposition
to
Also
, to be a popular person is a
nervous work without private space and professional sports Correct article usage
apply
very
Add a missing verb
are very
harmfur
Correct your spelling
harmful
for
health. As a rule, Change preposition
to
stars
are at the peak of popularity not for long therefore
it is a job without garantees
of employment in the future.
Correct your spelling
guarantees
guarantee
Secondly
, somebody
Correct your spelling
some
believe
that Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
Stars
gain too much income from Add an article
an advertisement
the advertisement
advertisement
that Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
it doesn't
match their Wrong verb form
don't
talants
. Gifted scientists, doctors, Correct your spelling
talents
engineers
earn much less money, but their Correct word choice
and engineers
talant
and labour aren't less. Correct your spelling
talent
talents
The young
singers and athletes dream Correct article usage
Young
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
stars
, however
, only the smallest part reach a
success, Correct article usage
apply
others
Correct word choice
and others
stay
unknown and poor persons Verb problem
remain
unfortunately
. It is Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately
unfairly
.
In Change the word
unfair
counclusion
, I agree with the first position because I believe that it is Correct your spelling
conclusion
more
pragmatic model of society and Add an article
a more
the more
present
nation must Correct article usage
the present
very
successful people.Add a missing verb
be very
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grammar
Make sure to check for grammatical errors and ensure clarity, especially in the introduction. Some sentences are confusing and have errors (e.g., 'adhere the market economy,' 'hudreds of thousands of miscellaneous spectators').
coherence
Strengthen the connection between ideas and paragraphs. Transitions between ideas can be more fluid to create a more coherent flow (e.g., 'To begin with the first position' can be improved).
task response
Provide more detailed analysis and explanation of the main points. Explain why stars gathering large audiences justifies their high salaries, and why shorter career spans increase the demand for higher compensation.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, providing reasons and examples for each viewpoint (e.g., Taylor Swift, scientists and engineers).
coherence
The conclusion clearly states the writer's stance and gives a brief rationale.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.