IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #features #comparisons #mins
The charts
explains
Change the verb form
explain
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
percentage
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 of
computer
 ownership from 2002 to 2010, and
computer
 ownership by education level between 2002 and 2010. In general,
computer
 ownership has increased over the period.
In addition
, in 2010 the
computer
Correct quantifier usage
number of computer
show examples
 owner in education
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
percentage
 than in 2002. First of all, owner the
computer
 has
rose
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
 slightly in the period. In the first year, the amount of
percentage
 at almost 60%,
then
 after the
percentage
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 to 60% in 2006.
Subsequently
,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
, the
percentage
close
Add a missing verb
was close
show examples
 to 80%.
Secondly
, the owner by the level of education
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 no high school diploma was the smallest
percentage
 in 2002 at around 15%.
In contrast
, postgraduate qualification
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has the biggest
percentage
 in 2010 at 90%. In detail, in 2010, the second lead by bachelor’s
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
almost
Add a missing verb
was almost
show examples
 similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 college (
in complete
Correct your spelling
incomplete
show examples
) at almost 90%. The third was high school
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 nearly 70%. In
compared
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
, the
percentage
 in 2010 was higher than in 2002 in all categories.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, computer with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • population
  • ownership
  • correlation
  • educational attainment
  • significantly
  • increased access
  • technology
  • general trend
  • demographic
  • substantial rise
  • data
  • bar chart
  • illustrates
  • distribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: