The governments investment in art such as music and theatre is a waste of money, government must invest money on public service instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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‏In my opinion, to agree or disagree with the affidavit that The government's investment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
such
as melody and troupe is a waste of capital, the government must invest payment in public service
instead
. Is an important issue to discuss.
First,
l will present arguments supporting
this
account after which some aspects against that will be discussed.
Submitted by almeem on

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introduction conclusion present
You should aim to create a clearer and more engaging introduction. The current introduction is too wordy and a bit repetitive. Try to make it more concise and to the point.
supported main points
Ensure your arguments and points are well supported with specific examples. The essay lacks substantive examples to bolster the arguments.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay can be improved by organizing your points into clear paragraphs. For instance, each paragraph should present a single idea or argument with supporting details.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces a common and relevant debate, acknowledging both sides of the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
The language used, such as 'affidavit', 'melody', and 'troupe', adds a formal and sophisticated touch, which is appropriate for IELTS writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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