Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is often argued that sharing numerous pieces of
information
in scientific research, business and the academic world is acceptable, while
opponents say that our private details are inappropriate to be shared freely. In this
essay, I will elaborate on both views and give my opinion in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, we are now living in a modern world which provides the most convenient era to give and take information
. By doing this
, we are delivering the most pivotal data for those such
as scientists, analysts and engineers to develop technology functions in gadgets we use. For instance
, when you use social network applications such
as Facebook, Tiktok
, and Youtube, those will recommend more posts, clips, and videos which are collaborated with your interests. Correct your spelling
TikTok
Following
this
, you will not waste your time to look
for suitable Change the verb form
looking
similar
online objects. Correct word choice
apply
Moreover
, your information
might be a potential data source for many artificial intelligent
tools, which enhance many perspectives in our lives Replace the word
intelligence
such
as education, job, entertainment and knowledge.
On the other hand
, we should be careful when sending out our private details such
as our addresses, phone numbers, and bank cards'
Change noun form
cards
information
since they are confidential, and once they are leaked, it becomes a pathway to more threatening issues. For example
, when you use your bank card to submit transactions on the internet, that website will automatically save your card's number, and someone might access that website. Subsequently
, your card will be charged money for unknown transactions, and you will lose your savings. Hence
, understanding how to manage your information
and improve the
security for it is an important issue nowadays.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, in my opinion, it is undeniable that sharing our data is good for technology development, but it is also
crucial to learn how to protect it and keep it safe in this
modern world.Submitted by beautytear13 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is good but could be more engaging. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve logical flow.
Task Achievement
Some ideas could be expanded further. Provide more elaborate supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
There are some small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofread your essay to catch these before the final submission.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present.