IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information, therefore there is no need to print books, magazines and newspapers on paper. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It has been argued that since most
people
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 have adopted
to
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apply
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the modern technology of using electronic devices for data there is no need
of using
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to use
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paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
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such
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 as the newspapers. I strongly disagree with the argument and I will discuss my reasons below.
Firstly
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, most
people
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 in the
suburb
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suburban
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 areas neither do they have electricity
nor
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or
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 generators to support
the
Change the word
their
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 electronic devices.
This
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 means the only alternative method of accessing information is through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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papers
Use synonyms
such
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 as magazines.
For example
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,
study
Add an article
a study
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 conducted by students at the Nairobi University in Kenya proved that rural electrification is yet to take place in many parts of the country as many
people
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 use candles and paraffin lamps as a source of light.
Therefore
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, a large population can not afford to maintain devices that
uses
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use
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 electricity in order to function.
Nonetheless
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, communities are resistant to change.
This
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 means that since many decades ago they have been using information written on the paper for any updates and they do not see any need to convert to any other method.
Additionally
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, they believe
papers
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 are comfortable and easy
incase
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in case
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 one
want
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wants
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 to retrieve a past story written on them.
For instance
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, in the year 2000,
Daily
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the Daily
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 Newspaper was highly sold to families with
the
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apply
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elderly citizens in Embu County in Kenya because it was hard to convince them to watch
news
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the news
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 on a computer or listen to
a
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the
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 radio.
This
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 makes
paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
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 to continue leading despite
of
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apply
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the world being in the 21st century. In summary, low level of income that makes it impossible to install power and
resistant
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resistance
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 to change are the leading causes that
makes
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make
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people
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to
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apply
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continue with the use of
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papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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. I am of the opinion that regardless of electronic use, we should continue using the
papers
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 to relay information.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay clearly conveys your stance on the topic, but it could be enhanced by sharpening the clarity and precision of your arguments. Some sentences could be rephrased for better readability and coherence. For example, instead of saying “This means the only alternative method of accessing information is through the papers such as magazines,” consider “Thus, printed materials like newspapers and magazines remain the primary sources of information.” This minor adjustment could make a significant difference in clarity.
complete response
Be mindful of small grammatical errors, such as the phrase “most people have adopted to the modern technology...” which should be “most people have adopted modern technology...”. Such improvements can make your essay more polished and professional.
supported main points
You can reinforce your argument by expanding on your second main point. Provide more detailed examples or extend your reasoning about why communities are resistant to change. This will add depth to your essay and make your argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, and you maintain a consistent standpoint throughout.
relevant specific examples
You utilized relevant and specific examples, such as the study at Nairobi University and the Daily Newspaper example, which bolster your arguments effectively.
logical structure
Your essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a distinct point, which helps the reader follow your line of reasoning.
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