ome people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
modernized world, most of the commodities are
selling
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
through
advertisement
. It is an undeniable factor for
marketing
Add an article
the marketing
show examples
sector. Whilst, some
people
believe, it will provocate customers to buy the
products
even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
required and others
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
will bring
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
novel things to the market and enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life. From my perspective,
advertisement
is a bridge and it can connect the
product
and consumers easily.
Firstly
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
present world, most of the
products
are
selling
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
through
advertisement
.
Moreover
, celebrities are participating
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
lot of advertisements and
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
the
products
Thus
,
people
and fans are giving more priority to purchase that
product
, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
don't
want
Correct pronoun usage
want it
show examples
.
Additionally
, if any
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
wants to reach
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
,
advertisement
Add an article
the advertisement
an advertisement
show examples
must be required without
this
, it will
hard
Add a missing verb
be hard
show examples
to reach the customers.
In other words
,
advertisement
is just a medium
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
know what they
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
and no one can
interupt
Correct your spelling
interrupt
interpret
their freedom. Any individuals who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
financially good level they have only keen to buy the
products
even
not
Correct word choice
if not
show examples
required. To illustrate, in my home country, advertising companies introduce a lot of kitchen items during the festival times and
people
who
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
stable financial level only
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
interested
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
show examples
that items
Change the determiner
that item
those items
show examples
.\
Furthermore
,
advertisement
is one of the
key
Change to a plural noun
keys
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
marketing business and it will bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
products
for customer usage.
Additionally
, it is an advanced catalogue of the
products
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
people
are interested
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
show examples
. It will create hope for any
product
and
enthral
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
to purchase.
To conclude
, it's hard to say any
product
that not
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
for
people
.
it's depends
Change the verb form
it depends
show examples
on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
and they can choose whatever they want.
Advertisement
is just a tool and it can promote the
produts
Correct your spelling
products
for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
benefit.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay by organizing the main points more clearly and ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Focus on developing clear and comprehensive ideas by providing well-explained reasons and elaboration in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance the clarity and readability of your essay. This will also help you convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding advertising, which adds depth to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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