IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new m some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Marketing business is one of the most profitable sectors because every day new
products
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 are released into the market.
However
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, the companies overemphasize the
newness
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 of their
products
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 using advertisement strategy. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the possible reasons
products
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 are being advertised in
such
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 a way and the negative impacts it has on consumers. Generally, advertising the product’s
newness
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 is a form of marketing strategy to emphasize the product’s novelty to attract attention and make it stand out in a competitive market.
Subsequeantly
Correct your spelling
Subsequently
, it would potentially increase sales for the company.
Besides
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, many consumers are driven by the desire to own the latest
products
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 as it would provide a sense of status and satisfaction.
For instance
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, almost 70% of young people around the world are proud to own an
iphone
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iPhone
 and some even feel forced to get one in order to fit in with the Apple culture. Apart from that, technological advancement
rapid
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is rapid
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 nowadays that makes the
products
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 quickly outdated.
Therefore
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, it is necessary to focus on new features to appeal to tech-savvy customers.
Consequently
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, emphasizing the
newness
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 of
products
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 can contribute to potential downsides
such
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 as throwaway cultures and overconsumption. Eventually,
this
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 will lead to an increase in
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products
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product
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 waste around the globe.
Moreover
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, it might
also
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 lead to customer dissatisfaction if the new features do not meet the
expectation
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expectations
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 or seem superficial when compared to the advertised
products
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. In conclusion, there should be regulatory bodies to control the advertising on the
newness
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 of
products
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 in order to protect the consumers and
also
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 the environment. End users
also
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 must be wise in purchasing
products
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.

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task achievement
While the essay responds well to the task, it could benefit from more detailed and varied examples to enhance the points made. Consider including diverse examples from different sectors, not just technology, to provide a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Although the logical structure of the essay is mostly clear, some transitional phrases could make the essay flow more smoothly. For example, phrases like "In addition" or "Consequently" can create better coherence between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors or typographical issues. This will make your writing more polished and professional.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly outline and summarize the main points being discussed, which adds to its overall coherence.
complete response
The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the question—why businesses emphasize newness and whether it is a positive or negative development, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with examples, particularly the one about the iPhone, which effectively illustrates the argument about consumer behavior and social pressures.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge
  • groundbreaking
  • innovative
  • state-of-the-art
  • revolutionary
  • unveiling
  • upgraded
  • exclusive
  • next-generation
  • consumer demand
  • market share
  • competitive edge
  • brand loyalty
  • tech-savvy
  • economic growth
  • throwaway culture
  • overconsumption
  • customer satisfaction
  • superficial features
  • stimulate economic activity
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