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Band 4

The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend?

#people #home #countries #trend
The idea of working remotely has
gain
Change the verb form
gained
show examples
 popularity in some countries in recent times.
While
this
 may shape the future of
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 workforce,
this
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of both negative
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and positive outcomes which will be discussed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 essay.
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase
show examples
 in
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance is one of the key outcomes of
this
 initiative.
To begin
 with,
employees
 get the chance to organize their daily schedules
according to
 the workload that they need to put in.
For instance
, a working mother will get the chance to drop off her kid
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school and start work without having to worry about it.
Moreover
,
employees
 will be able to eliminate time spent commuting to the office which will ultimately result in
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 productive workforce.
Finally
,
this
 has
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
employees
Change preposition
in employees
show examples
 having the time to improve their mental and physical fitness.
On the contrary
, isolation from the office
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 has
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own demerits.
Firstly
, companies have recently found out that lack of interaction between
employees
 has reduced
camradarie
Correct your spelling
camaraderie
 among teams, and
This
 has resulted in an
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 number of conflicts.
In addition
 to that,
amployee
Correct your spelling
employee
 attrition has surged drastically resulting
companies
Change preposition
in companies
show examples
to cancel
Change the verb form
cancelling
show examples
 projects
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of resources. In conclusion, even though working from home has a definite advantage for many people, one cannot ignore the impact it has
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some businesses.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
 I am
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the view that the future of work
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 consist of a hybrid model.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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grammar
Ensure you proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'has gain' should be 'has gained', 'at this essay' should be 'in this essay', and 'this consist' should be 'this consists'.
examples
Expand on your examples and ensure they are relevant and specific to better support your arguments. For example, provide a statistic or a case study about remote work improving work-life balance or causing employee attrition.
depth
Work on developing your ideas more fully in each paragraph. For instance, elaborate further on how remote work leads to improved mental and physical fitness.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good structure to your argument.
relevance
Your points are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of both sides of the argument.
balance
You effectively mention both advantages and disadvantages, creating a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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