in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In different parts of the globe
people
tend to relocate from the villages to ubran
Correct your spelling
urban
areas
, this
in fact has a negative consequence with a decrease in the percentage of the people
in the rural areas
.This
has both opportunies
and challenges.
On the one hand, it is evident that Correct your spelling
opportunities
people
who move to the city benefit in many ways. This
ranges from better health, education, and occupations. Firstly
, there are more hospitals availabe
with good healthcare Correct your spelling
available
system
, which means Fix the agreement mistake
systems
people
perhaps no longer have to worry about the availability of medications and doctors in a hospitals
. Correct the article-noun agreement
hospitals
a hospital
Moreover
, it is beneficial for the young ones, where there is potiential
to learn in Correct your spelling
potential
high standard
educational systemsAdd a hyphen
high-standard
,
and pursue higher education in universities available in the city. Perhaps the most Remove the comma
apply
significat
positivesCorrect your spelling
significant
,
would be a wider range of transportation from trains to buses, and taxis that make Remove the comma
apply
traveling
easier, which could be limited in rural Change the spelling
travelling
areas
.
By contrast
, there are downsides to this
development, where the rural area will suffer from depopulation. In some cases, as families move to more populated areas
they tend to leave their older parents behind. Studies have showed
, that most elderly Change the verb form
shown
people
appear to suffer neglect when they lose contact with families and network of friends around, which can ultimately lead to a significant rise in depression and loneliness.
In conclusion, although
there are shortcomings to the older generation ad
Correct your spelling
and
people
reside
in urban Wrong verb form
residing
areas
, it appears to be that the advantages definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
outweighs
the disadvantages. Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
It
benefits seem to be more appealing to everyone.Correct pronoun usage
Its
Submitted by sara.elkhansa on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your stance on whether rural-to-urban migration is a positive or negative development. At present, the introduction presents both sides without a clear position.
task achievement
Try to make your main points more distinct and focused. For example, instead of broadly mentioning opportunities and challenges, you could have separate paragraphs that discuss each in detail.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using transition words or phrases to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a conclusive ending. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly restate your position to leave a strong final impression.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your work for minor errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation to improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
You have a strong foundation in discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of rural-to-urban migration.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the availability of healthcare and educational opportunities, which help to substantiate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs dedicated to different points, which is a good practice.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to balance the discussion with both positive and negative aspects, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!