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Band 5.5

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disavdantages to living in a house compared with living in an apaartment?

#people #house #apartment #disavdantages #apaartment
Although
 some consider
houses
 the better choice to live
, others
Change preposition
in, others
show examples
 claim that apartments provide
people
 with more facilities.
While
 having both
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative aspects, in my opinion, living in
houses
 is more advantageous. On the
one
 hand, as cities enlarge gradually, the number of
aparment buldings
Correct your spelling
apartment buildings
also
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to increase.
One
 of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 opting
those
Change preposition
for those
show examples
 places to settle down is the fact that they are mainly situated in the city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 as
oppsed
Correct your spelling
opposed
 to
houses
. Nowadays cities are the business centers and main address of almost all workplaces.
Therefore
, dwelling in flats
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is more beneficial for
people
 who commute to different parts of the city on a daily basis since they can save money by minimizing the time spent on the road and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of fuel.
However
, urban areas are
also
 the main location of traffic congestion and noise pollution which have numerous detrimental effects on
people
's health.
Moreover
, they might be the fundamental reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 living sedentary lifestyles,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 the place you live already collects all your needs under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
 roof,
hence
, you can survive even without leaving home
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than a month.
On the other hand
,
houses
 are generally
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
located in rural areas,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
people
 with peaceful and serene environments. Having a garden where
people
 can become close to nature and enjoy the breath of fresh air is
one
 of the advantages those places possess.
Contrysides
Correct your spelling
Countrysides
 already promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy lifestyles and improve
people
's medical conditions. By being away from bustling cities,
people
 can
also
 develop their mental health and decrease their stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
stem
Replace the word
stemming
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 work-related tasks.
To conclude
, even though both options have their own advantage and disadvantages, I believe living in a house is more advantageous since they improve
people
's daily routines and offer
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 healthy lifestyle.
Submitted by dinareabdullayeva on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that the connection between the sentences and paragraphs is seamless. While the essay is well-organized, transitioning phrases or words could enhance the flow even more.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from a few more specific examples to support your points. Try to add concrete instances or statistics to make your arguments more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states a position and gives a brief overview of both perspectives on the topic.
complete response
The essay presents well-rounded arguments for both living in a house and living in an apartment.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay and firmly states the writer's viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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