IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children’s are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children’s #children #message
In
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
, parents and teachers provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities to the kids and young
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 because parents believe that their
children
 can complete
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
any
tasks
Fix the agreement mistake
task
show examples
 if they
are
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 hard work to do
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In my opinion, it brings some benefits and
weaks
Correct your spelling
weeks
 for
children
. In the following
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
, I will discuss a pro and a con about
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
. The
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 is
improved
Verb problem
to improve
show examples
children
's
skills
 in different stages. Nowadays, the new generation
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unskillful, which is labelled by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they cannot handle and complete
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
centain
Correct your spelling
certain
 missions. Some employers
emphaized
Correct your spelling
emphasise
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters cannot face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
,
such
 as writing
proposal
Fix the agreement mistake
proposals
show examples
 and
discussion
Replace the word
discussing
show examples
 with customers, in the workplace. I think
children
 should try hard enough since they learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
differnet
Correct your spelling
different
skills
,
such
 as communication
skills
,
problem
-solving
skills
 and
calucation
Correct your spelling
calculation
skills
. If they leave their
confidentable
Correct your spelling
confidential
confidently
 area, they grow up in both mental
staageand
Correct your spelling
stage and
 knowledge
staage
Correct your spelling
stage
storage
.
Finally
, they will gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various experience and abilities.
Therefore
, the advantage of
giveing
Correct your spelling
giving
children
 the idea is increasing them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skillful people.
Nonetheless
,
children
 will face the risk in physical or mental. As we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children
 cannot face and tackle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficult
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 or
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. If they are brave
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
 complete the unstable task, they will be hurt.
For instance
, they will
be punish
Change the verb form
be punished
show examples
 when they
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important
custumers
Correct your spelling
customers
, who bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mass income
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the company. After the punishment, they might have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative mindset, as
why
Change preposition
to why
show examples
 I am
a rubbish
Remove the article
rubbish
a pile of rubbish
show examples
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will hurt themselves or stay at home, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem
 people.
Hence
, when they deal with or handle the
problem
 incompletely, they will have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative
attiude
Correct your spelling
attitude
. It is disadvantaged for their mental
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 or body.
To conclude
,
this
 message is a
two-sides
Correct your spelling
two-sided
show examples
influcence
Correct your spelling
influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
. Not
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only try to do simple or different tasks, but they
also
 have a more impressive experience and helpful learning in their life.
Submitted by borishim0614 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on language accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles, to make your essay more grammatically correct.
idea development
Develop one or two points more fully rather than briefly touching on many. This will improve the depth of your ideas.
structure
Consider structuring each paragraph more clearly with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence for better coherence.
content
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, providing a succinct end to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Ambition
  • Persevere
  • Setbacks
  • Self-confidence
  • Growth mindset
  • Dedication
  • Effort
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Feelings of failure
  • Neglect
  • Personal well-being
  • Burnout
  • Fixed mindset
  • Discouragement
  • Lose motivation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: