It is not necessary for people to travel to other places and learn about their culture. We can learn as much as from books, film and television. To what extent do you agree or disagree
In
this
present world community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
more
choices to stay at home than go outside for Add a missing verb
have more
travel
. I totally agree with the statement and will be stating some points to support my agreement. Further
, This
essay will be discussing travelling can spend
Verb problem
cost
money
and learn to save money
.
However
, some people
think traveling
to another Change the spelling
travelling
countrycountry
can cost Correct your spelling
country country
money
because when community
want to Correct article usage
a community
travel
to another countrycountry
must buy Correct your spelling
country country
such
ticket
, get Correct article usage
a ticket
passport
, clothes and other. Correct article usage
a passport
For instance
, Andi will go to Singapore so he must available much money
to buy a ticket, eat, drink, fruit and book a hotel. So if some people
want to go anywhere they should have a lot of money
and have free time.
Moreover
, some people
have more choices to stay at home to travel
by book, film
and television because they can save money
because other people
think we can go anywhere without going outside. It means people
can read books or watch movies they can look whatever
is there in the world. Change preposition
at whatever
Such
as like Dian wants to visit Paris country, she can watch the film
LOVE IN PARIS. The film
shows many places in Paris without going there. So This
is the best choice for travelling without spending our money
.
In conclusion, Travelling by books, film
and television is the best choice for other people
, who want to go or visit another countrycountry
if Correct your spelling
country country
dosen't
have Correct your spelling
doesn't
money
and you can learn
include about the culture. So My Prediction is in the future Add the particle
learn to
people
more choose to watch films rather than go outside to travel
.Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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introduction conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides a clear thesis statement. The current introduction is quite brief and lacks this clarity.
supported main points
Expand your points with more depth and examples. The points made are relevant but need further development and more comprehensive support.
logical structure
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. This will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid repeating words and phrases unnecessarily. For example, using 'travelling' and 'country' multiple times. Use synonyms or rephrase sentences to maintain the reader's interest.
relevant specific examples
The essay does provide specific examples which help to illustrate the points made.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite