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Band 3.5

Vaccinating children against preventable disease is not only un necessary but also dangerous to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #disease
Vaccinating
children
 has become increasingly unpopular among certain demographics of society. These people claim that
vaccinations
 are hazardous to
children
's health and
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
are not needed.
This
 essay will argue why vaccinating against preventable
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 is entirely necessary despite some potential risks. Parents have always been wary of vaccinating their
children
. They are justifiably worried about injecting their
children
 with unfamiliar substances that could potentially make them sick. Parents naturally feel protective
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
children
. Indeed, there have been some recorded instances of blisters,
existing
Correct word choice
and existing
show examples
 fears in parents that
vaccinations
 are not necessary and potentially more dangerous than the possibility of contracting the communicable disease itself. Despite the minor risks associated with vaccinating
children
, the idea that they are unnecessary and dangerous is completely preposterous.
Vaccinations
 have prevented vast numbers of deaths, so far prevented far
outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighing
show examples
 the number of
children
 who have actually been completely eradicated through the vaccination campaign.
Overall
, the idea that
vaccinations
 are unnecessary and dangerous is still ill-informed and dangerous in itself and could potentially lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 far worse outcome
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
This
 essay
argued
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
 that people who are against vaccination have a flawed understanding of vaccination and underestimate the effects of what they believe. In my opinion, vaccinating
children
 is an absolute imperative
that is
 entirely justifiable despite some small occasional risks involved.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your argument. For instance, mention specific diseases and the impact of their vaccines.
coherence cohesion
Ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs. This can make your essay flow better and enhance readability.
supported main points
Clarify the points made and ensure they are supported with evidence. An argument is more convincing when backed by concrete details.
task achievement
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear standpoint on vaccination.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion nicely summarizes the arguments made and reinforces your viewpoint.
logical structure
The logical structure is clear, and the coherence of the argument is maintained throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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