IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six- year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter •explain why you would like the job. •give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ. •say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia.

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #six- #child #parents #•explain #job #•give #person #•say #time #australia
After reading your advertisement I understand it could be a wonderful experience for me to come to your country and live with your family. I will have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to know new people, to know a different culture, to learn new traditions and to have new points of view. I will learn how to share a house with somebody I've never met before. I will have the pleasure of taking care of your little child. It will be a way to grow as
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
 being without putting me
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first. I would keep as
first
Correct pronoun usage
my first
show examples
 goal the happiness and serenity of your child. I will try to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to make him feel comfortable and loved
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any occasion I should face. When I
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have free time I wish I could visit museums,
Correct word choice
and historical
show examples
historical
Replace the word
historic
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
. I hope I will have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to get in touch with the natives , like
this
 I will be able to appreciate their culture and way of living. I hope it will be a good experience for both me and you. I wish you the best, Sara
Submitted by serena.barbieri86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph centers on a single idea to increase clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific details about your qualifications and experiences with children to strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Make sure to double-check for minor grammatical errors to improve overall polish.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are polite and appropriate for the context.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is suitable for a job application context, showing enthusiasm and respect.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!