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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six- year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter •explain why you would like the job. •give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ. •say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia.

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #six- #child #parents #•explain #job #•give #person #•say #time #australia
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After reading your advertisement I understand it could be a wonderful experience for me to come to your country and live with your family. I will have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to know new people, to know a different culture, to learn new traditions and to have new points of view. I will learn how to share a house with somebody I've never met before. I will have the pleasure of taking care of your little child. It will be a way to grow as
human
Add an article
a human
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 being without putting me
as
Change preposition
apply
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first. I would keep as
first
Correct pronoun usage
my first
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 goal the happiness and serenity of your child. I will try to find
the
Correct article usage
a
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 way to make him feel comfortable and loved
in
Change preposition
on
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 any occasion I should face. When I
will
Verb problem
apply
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have free time I wish I could visit museums,
Correct word choice
and historical
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historical
Replace the word
historic
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building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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. I hope I will have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to get in touch with the natives , like
this
 I will be able to appreciate their culture and way of living. I hope it will be a good experience for both me and you. I wish you the best, Sara
Submitted by serena.barbieri86 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph centers on a single idea to increase clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific details about your qualifications and experiences with children to strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Make sure to double-check for minor grammatical errors to improve overall polish.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are polite and appropriate for the context.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is suitable for a job application context, showing enthusiasm and respect.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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