Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence in people’s behavior. What is your opinion?

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Whereas

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some people agree that the increase in violent

scenes

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that we watch on

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and

Computer

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games

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

affecting our community, other groups believe

that is

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not impacting our

feelings

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and

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

This

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essay believes that, nowadays, violence has become more common in

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and video

games

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As a result

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, it generates a negative effect on

society

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feelings

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and

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

This

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is because

Remove the comma

apply

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children have been getting

access

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to violent video

games

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since an early stage of their lives,

therefore

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, they could interpret violent

scenes

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as normal. On top of that, we have noticed an increase in violence through

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, mainly news

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shows, resulting in a negative impact on

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consumers's

feelings

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To begin

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with,

society

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has granted

access

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to young kids to violent

computer

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games

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, without considering the negative impact on their growth and behaviour. Nowadays, 5-year-old kids are playing

games

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such

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as GTA San Andreas or Call of Duty.

Access

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this

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kind of

computer

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games

Fix the agreement mistake

game

show examples

in the early stages of growth impacts negatively

Change preposition

apply

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children's interpretation of reality.

As a result

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, some of them can assume violent game situations as normal. Recently, research concluded, that 25% of American Kids (Under 8 years old) have

access

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to violent

scenes

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in video

games

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, and 20% of them will grow considering normal violent

scenes

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On the other hand

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is not helping either. During the

last

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few years, violent

scenes

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have been displayed more, affecting their consumers. The main culprits in

this

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are the News channels. In order to obtain a raise in their rating levels, they show us more and more negative

scenes

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however

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these

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

"bad news"

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

impacting our

society

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, increasing levels of anxiety, depression and other negative

feelings

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For instance

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, in Argentina, older people (Main

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consumers) are over-worried about every situation, and

this

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is the result of

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exaggeration.

To conclude

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this

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essay believes that the increased levels of violent

scenes

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and

Computer

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Games

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are affecting our

society

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in a negative way. The main victims of

this

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are children and old people.

tomasmutilva99Thu Jun 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure more seamless connections between paragraphs to improve logical flow.

task achievement

Provide a more nuanced discussion by considering counterarguments to strengthen your task response.

coherence cohesion

Refine and correct minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity.

task achievement

Clear stance on the topic is presented in the introduction and reaffirmed in the conclusion.

task achievement

Relevant and specific examples are provided to support main points, enhancing the argument.

coherence cohesion

Well-organized paragraphs with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggressive behavior
perceptions
correlation
individual susceptibility
media literacy
critical thinking
interpret
regulating
negative effects
balance
societal measures
impact

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence in people’s behavior. What is your opinion?

Your opinion

Nowadays, many people are able to work from home. Do the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. DO you agree or disagree?

Some people feel a country can't be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Drug abuse is an increasing problem in modern times. Discuss some reasons behind this and suggest ways it can be hindered.