Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence in people’s behavior. What is your opinion?

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Whereas
some people agree that the increase in violent
scenes
that we watch on
TV
and
Computer
games
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
affecting our community, other groups believe
that is
not impacting our
feelings
and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
This
essay believes that, nowadays, violence has become more common in
TV
and video
games
.
As a result
, it generates a negative effect on
society
's
feelings
and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children have been getting
access
to violent video
games
since an early stage of their lives,
therefore
, they could interpret violent
scenes
as normal. On top of that, we have noticed an increase in violence through
TV
, mainly news
TV
shows, resulting in a negative impact on
TV
consumers's
feelings
.
To begin
with,
society
has granted
access
to young kids to violent
computer
games
, without considering the negative impact on their growth and behaviour. Nowadays, 5-year-old kids are playing
games
such
as GTA San Andreas or Call of Duty.
Access
to
this
kind of
computer
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
in the early stages of growth impacts negatively
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children's interpretation of reality.
As a result
, some of them can assume violent game situations as normal. Recently, research concluded, that 25% of American Kids (Under 8 years old) have
access
to violent
scenes
in video
games
, and 20% of them will grow considering normal violent
scenes
.
On the other hand
,
TV
is not helping either. During the
last
few years, violent
scenes
have been displayed more, affecting their consumers. The main culprits in
this
are the News channels. In order to obtain a raise in their rating levels, they show us more and more negative
scenes
,
however
,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
"bad news"
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
impacting our
society
, increasing levels of anxiety, depression and other negative
feelings
.
For instance
, in Argentina, older people (Main
TV
consumers) are over-worried about every situation, and
this
is the result of
TV
exaggeration.
To conclude
,
this
essay believes that the increased levels of violent
scenes
in
TV
and
Computer
Games
are affecting our
society
in a negative way. The main victims of
this
are children and old people.
Submitted by tomasmutilva99 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure more seamless connections between paragraphs to improve logical flow.
task achievement
Provide a more nuanced discussion by considering counterarguments to strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Refine and correct minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Clear stance on the topic is presented in the introduction and reaffirmed in the conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support main points, enhancing the argument.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized paragraphs with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • perceptions
  • correlation
  • individual susceptibility
  • media literacy
  • critical thinking
  • interpret
  • regulating
  • negative effects
  • balance
  • societal measures
  • impact
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